Something for you to read while I try (unsuccessfully) to catch up with all the blogging I missed while ill and busy and ill adn working!

littera_abactor: I Has a Sweet Potato

Made me laugh out loud! Enjoy.

Emma arrived back from her holiday in Cuba a couple of weeks ago and en route from the airport called me up and announced “I have some news!”. “You’re pregnant” I immediately respond, No easy feat with my tongue stuck firmly in my cheek (my sister is the least maternal person on the planet and freely admits she’s too selfish to have kids). Incredulous she responded “No don’t be stupid, guess…” I tell her to “Shut up I don’t have to guess I already KNOW what’s going on“, (she’s been angling for a proposal since buying her house with Danny, her now husband-to-be six months ago and he is just soppy enough to take in all the barely veiled hints and rather predictably got down on one knee while on their holiday.) “You’re engaged”

“YES I AM” she excitedly screamed “And you’re going to be bridesmaid”

Right there is when I made my first mistake I should have screamed “NOoooooooooooo” hung up the phone and gone into hiding, but instead what crossed my mind was “Duh I’m your sister why wouldn’t I be” and what actually crossed my lips was “Fantastic!” We carried on the conversation for a couple of minutes me asking all the predictable questions “How” “Where” “When” and making all the right noises in all the right places and at the end of the conversation I hung up adn sat and talked about it with James. Mistake number two, I should have called her straight back and screamed “NOoooooooooo, I can’t do it!” and then gone into hiding.

Had I known then what I know now I think I would have done.

I seriously believe it would be less stressful organizing my own wedding day! It has been 3 weeks since her phone call and I am exhausted. Not one day has passed that hasn’t involved some wedding speak either a phone call or a text message, an email or a conversation over msn, there is no escape.

Danny’s involvement has gone as far as to get down on one knee, and then pay for the ring once Emma had chosen it (he wisely chose not to buy the ring in advance knowing how picky Lil’ Miss Jennings is) and decide who is to be best man (well men in this instance)

Emma on the other hand has already booked the church, and then dragged me along to chose her dress and then change her mind, look at venues and then change her mind, and then back again, but may change again shortly, try on bridesmaids dresses and then change her mind (because you look like you have a fat in ass in that one “gee thanks kidda!”), Visit suit shops (a job for the groom I thought) and craft shops and accessory shops.

We’ve talked about table decorations (balloons vs flowers), meals (carvery vs silver service) entertainment (band vs DJ) Hen weekends (home vs abroad). We’ve discussed the guest list (and who’s going to be offended by the lack of invitation to the actual service of a certain member of the family who shall remain un-named). We’ve looked and photographers, videographers, florists and hairdressers. I’ve been talked into making all 200 invites, of which she wanted examples of in the colour of her choice for the end of last week, and into making all the place settings, favors and seating plans.

And with all of the above she asks my opinion then promptly tells me I’m wrong and does what she wants any way.

I am honestly happy for her in a way that only big sister can be but here’s the best bit, The date……..

19th September 2009!

I love my sister to pieces and I wouldn’t have her any other way, she is who she is but I can’t help thinking SLOW DOWN!

I have two years of this! Two years of running errands and over excited phone calls, conversations about dresses and colour schemes and suits and stuff I personally don’t really care about, well I do for her but it is far too materialistic for me. I have two years to help her work out seating plans and menus and transport and all sorts of things I can’t think of right now as I have no idea what she’ll ask of me next, So please if I go a period of time with no contact with you all, send a man with a straight jacket as I will have more than likely turned into a gibbering mess!

We have just returned from the school having had a meeting with the head.

Firstly we discussed the main issue THE BULLYING. She took all our points into account and today is going to give a talking to the boys involved BUT also she is going to bring the ringleaders parents in for consultation.

I kept J with us all the time and encouraged him to tell her how he felt so that she could see we weren’t just neurotic parents. He was very happy to be taken seriously and to realize that positive action works, he also now understands that telling people everything is alright when its not, is not going to get anything solved!

We handed her all the work we had Jordan doing while at home, and told her how we’d gone about keeping him up to date with his school work and why I had chosen to cover “Bullying and Mutual Respect” for PSHE instead of his set work, We handed her copies of the literature we’d been working from at home (the every persons bill of rights and childline anti bullying papers) I also pointed out the line he has included about not wanting to be made to feel like “scrap and garbage” and how we thought it was a good insight into his feelings. She received this quite well taking into account why we thought it was necessary to point this out and looked quite shocked at the amount of work we’d done with him which can only be a positive thing.

Secondly we discussed the issues I had with the school and the way this had (until now) been handled. I pointed out the faults in dealing with the victim not the bully, how size does not come into consideration, you can be a victim of bullying no matter the difference in size between you and the bully. And the lack of communication between myself and her when I had specifically requested it!

The head appeared to be very receptive to all my points and didn’t go as far as to apologize but did agree with some and explain others.

The lack of return phone call was due to the message not being passed on correctly (an issue with communication still I know, but at least it wasn’t a deliberate disregard of our/Jordan’s position) She also went on to explain why she couldn’t make time to speak with us Tuesday when we turned up at the school as she is a teaching head who had classes all day. She didn’t fully appreciate our frustration as she wasn’t aware that we’d expected her to call us the evening before and she did apologise for that.
I have come away this morning feeling more positive. AND with a copy of the schools anti bullying policy which has just been reviewed and we actually have a copy of the revised version that has yet to be published. After reading it, It is definitely something I can’t fault if it is applied in the way it is set out.

It remains to be seen what affect it all has. I don’t expect results overnight after all kids will still be kids but i feel a lot happier now the head knows I’m not going to let this go until it has been resolved!

My plan for the week has been completely turned on its head. Monday was a complete wash out as it was spent recovering from the weekend, Saturday we had friends over and they left incredibly late when we all lost track of time, and Sunday was spent on a cold air strip in Warwick watching the “father in law” (we’re not married but you get what I mean) fly a light aircraft around in circles, (we’d bought him a flying experience for his birthday).

Today has been derailed as I have the blonde kid off school. I walked out the school with him today after a disgusting response to my complaints about the bullying that was going on.

For the past 2 weeks Jordan has been returning home from school complaining about a particular group of boys in his class, they had been punching and pushing him around, calling him names and general being spiteful and sadistic. We’ve tried the “try to be nice to them and they may be nice to you tactic”. We’ve been to see his teachers not once, not twice, but 4 times, Once when I had to go and complain to a teacher that telling the child that is being bullied to ” keep away from X” was an unsatisfactory response as it should be the bully being dealt with NOT the victim. The final meeting being Friday just gone when it was suggested that because of the size difference between the boys (J is considerably bigger than the ringleader) it shouldn’t be an issue and that a note would be left for the headmistress to speak to both of them monday morning. In my opinion an issue where size really doesn’t matter it doesn’t matter how big you are you can still be a victim!

Monday afternoon comes and I pick J up out of school, he was jeered at on the playground as we left via the back gate and I tell them to ignore them and we continue on our route home, which, unfortunately takes us past the ringleaders house.

Further up the pathway leading from the school a young lad from J’s school approached him and I heard J having to defend himself against something, “It’s not true, I don’t, I really really don’t” I heard him imploring to a this lad and when I asked him what had been said he shrugged it off saying it was nothing he was o.k but then turned around and stated that X had told everyone in his class that he “hangs around in the bathroom all day at home because he still has to wear nappies” and he was telling this other lad that it was all lies, he looked visibly upset, This comment seems petty even to a 7 year old on its own but when coupled with a fortnights worth of taunting and when its made about the “new boy” in the class who is already trying to find his footing in a new school it is just down right mean! I asked what had the teacher said. It turned out he hadn’t told the teacher as he didn’t think there was anything they could do and I said NO there is always somebody who can put a stop to this YOU MUST TELL YOUR TEACHER.

As we get further along our journey and approach the ringleaders house we see that a group of the boys have beaten us there and are standing on the wall and proceed to shout insults at Jordan as we pass, I tell him to ignore them but he looks very glum and we continue home. When we get in the house we ask him what the head teacher had to say to them today presuming as a response from the meeting Friday it would all be in hand. It turned out that she hadn’t said a thing, so I immediately called the school to speak to her myself about getting this dealt with, she conveniently was in a meeting and was unable to come to the phone but I was promised a call back. None was forthcoming.

Today I walked J to school and went into speak to the head in person. I didn’t even get past the secretary. The head was too busy to speak to me and sent a message saying “It’s all in hand” something we’d been told repeatedly over the last two weeks with no change in the circumstance, and apparently no one else was available to discuss this matter with me.

So what was I to do. Leave Jordan there to face the bullies for yet another day with seemingly no support from the staff? Demand to see some one there and then, aggravating the situation and winding myself up in the process? I didn’t seem to have much of a choice so I did what I thought was best…

I told the secretary that it ” showed a clear lack of communication within the school that it had been allowed to progress to this point And there was obviously a clear disregard for the implementation of the school rules as outlined in the school prospectus!” (something I shall repeat to the head myself when I see her) I then went on to say that “I wont be leaving Jordan in school today and he will not be returning until I have spoken to the head about this matter as the welfare of my son was my priority adn I can not leave him in a classroom where this is allowed to happen.”. At that we left, walking past the window to the staff room where the head could be clearly seen talking to another teacher.

It took them another hour after we walked away to call me with an appointment to speak to the head and even then she can’t possibly fit me into her buy schedule until Thursday morning!

It is disgusting, I thought that a child’s welfare is of paramount importance, that nothing could be too important that would delay speaking with ANY parent about an issue such as this, but apparently I am wrong.

I don’t know what she was so busy doing that she was unable to return my call on Monday evening and then also couldn’t find 5 minutes of her precious time to speak to me this morning but whatever it was has resulted in me having to keep Jordan at home today and by her delaying tactics tomorrow as well.

Luckily I have this week off work so I can spend the time with Jordan and he’s not missing out on anything. We have a copy of his timetable and via the power of the internet we printed out worksheets relating to all of his relevant subjects.This morning was literacy we read his book and discussed the moral of story with him, which actually turned out to be very apt. It was about treating people nicely so that they would reciprocate in kind. Then it was numeracy, he said he was working on place values. I found a brilliant website with free downloads of worksheets so I took full advantage of it and printed of the relevant ones which he worked through in record time.

This afternoon was PSHE (Personal Social Health Education) apparently they are learning about hygiene, but I felt it was more in keeping for Jordan to learn about bullying. We found lots of literature online and I set him the task of writing a brief statement about how he felt like he deserved to be treated, including how he should treat others using some of the sites we’d found on the internet and some of the leaflets I picked up at HESFES for reference. It seems to have empowered him into saying what it is he doesn’t like about the way he’s being treated at school so hopefully he will be more willing to approach his teachers when all this is sorted and he’s back in school. I’m a going to take this in with me when i speak to the head as I think she also needs to see it in Jordan’s own words that he “shouldn’t be treated like garbage” a very telling remark!

It should have been R.E this afternoon but I think that one has to be left to the “professionals” (although I use that word loosely at the moment) as I had NO idea where to begin so instead we did some science and fetched his light and optics kit down from the bedroom and made a telescope instead!

Tomorrow is literacy an numeracy in the morning, and then music (singing games) and P.E (invasion games) in the afternoon, it could be an interesting afternoon. I have no idea how I’m going to approach these subjects but having been forced to take this action to get this matter resolved I equally don’t want him to fall behind so I shall find a way!

We shall see what Thursday brings!

With sister keeping me busy helping her to organise the “wedding of the century” for her impending nuptials – something I SHALL blog about later, My back giving out on me again leaving me in agony for the best part of a week and my brain being pretty busy somewhere on another planet due to the cocktail of pain killing drugs the doctors insisted I pump into my system as a result of the agony of the bad back (that diazepam is pretty good stuff you know.). I’ve been too preoccupied to blog.

It’s not that I haven’t wanted to, I have the start of several posts in my drafts folder, one about the “wedding of the century” and another about things women never forget among others, that just wont come from my head through my fingers and onto the computer the way I want them to and I just cannot get them finished. I have ideas for posts swimming around my head but the concentration span of a gold fish and no hope of getting them done.

Since I came off the painkillers and returned to work I seem to be constantly exhausted. After spending a week in what feels like a drug induced coma sleeping naturally is an issue, well sleeping isn’t the issue, waking is I can NOT galvinize myself into action in the morning and feel groggy all day. Couple that with the soreness and stiffness I am still experiencing and I just don’t want to get out of my bed. My brain feels like the aftermath of a natural disaster at the moment with the wreck awaiting to be sifted through and all the good bits salvaged and put to use!

So I need to take action that will put my brain back into order. After work today I have a whole 9 days off work, the last of my annual holiday entitlement so here’s is the plan.

1. Declutter – I have so much “junk” and half finished projects surrounding me that is no wonder that I can’t think straight so if I don’t need it bin it (or freecycle it) and if I do need it find it a home!

2. Clean – with the constant flow of little people through the door a lot of mud gets walked through and although we try and keep on top of it sometimes the hover just isn’t enough. So after I have finished the decluttering, and hopefully miraculously turned my house in to a perfectly organised haven (wishful thinking), I am going to start at the top and work my way down and hover and dust every nook and cranny that dust balls or spiders (shudders) could be hiding in.

3. Virtual spring clean – a lot of the problems I have with blogging is I like to articulate things verbally which is really the posh way of saying I like to talk, as I’m sure anyone who knows me in the real world would tell you, and I like to tell stories but I really should only try to tell one at a time!! My drafts folder should be renamed to “idea holding page” so I am going to go through the drafts and figure out which (if any) I am actually going to use and delete the rest. I’m also going to attempt to do the same with my “My Pictures” folder as I just download all my files from my camera indiscriminately keeping all the blurry, out of focus shots along with the ones I actually want to use.

4. Sleep – I need to catch up with some sleep maybe if I just have one morning when I wake up naturally with out the screeching of the alarm clock or the ringing of the phone piercing my dreams I’d feel a lot better. So I’m going to give it a try – unplug/switch off everything and just snooze until I feel it’s time to get up.

I am hoping that by improving my surroundings and quality/quantity of sleep I will begin to feel a lot better, Maybe if I feel better I’ll be able to concentrate better, and if I can concentrate better that means I might actually finish something I’ve started and blog more

Or if that fails and I achieve nothing but to exhaust myself further at least I’ll have a tidy house!

Today is my birthday and there has been a lot of talk about me “knocking on 30”, “getting old” and “going grey” so as I slip ungraciously one year closer to the big THREE OH, it got me thinking about this.

I realize that your 30th birthday is supposed to be the marker for entering middle age, the benchmark for the onset of the “mid-life crisis”, the end of an era, or whatever and most my (*ahem* older) friends have approached the day with a sense of dread. With a growing apprehension that could not be articulated that apparently set in around their 27th birthday. As one friend pointed out to me you “It’s like you leave the safety zone of your “mid-twenties” and can now only wear the label “late-twenties” and it’s admitting your growing up” I have none of these fears, I can’t wait to grow old (I’m never growing up), and not just 30 old, I’m talking O.A.P old!!

My 20’s have been fun and my 30’s are definitely going to be, and I’m sure will my 40’s will be, but it’s when I turn 60 and I’m nearly grey the fun will really start. I have a whole list of things that bug the shit out of me that the older generation are guilty of now, that I can’t wait for my turn to inflict on others.

I can’t wait to receive my free bus pass and knowing full well it doesn’t come into effect until 09:30am stand at the bus stop from 09:15 arguing with the drivers who wont let me on early so delaying the bus sufficiently to make all the poor saps on their way to work late. Once on the bus I will presume its my god given right to sit on your lap if there is nowhere else to sit, and pretend I don’t notice I’m invading your personal space while I’m leaning all over you discussing the weather, or talking at the top of my voice about the “youth of today” and the “noise they make” drowning out any conversations any one else may be trying to conduct with a “noise” of my own.

I will refuse to hold doors open while in shops for anyone entering behind me, but will tut and shake my head when they are not held for me. I will talk to babies in prams who quite clearly don’t want to be talked to making their parents feel awkward about asking me to move. I will smell of mints (not piss not even I can stretch it that far) I will never say please or thank you, and I will chew food with my mouth open because I obviously forgot what manners were in my old age. I will blame my hearing lose when I chose to ignore something I didn’t really want to hear and blame my memory loss, not the fact I’m a cheapskate, when I forget to send you a birthday card.

So all this considered I can’t wait to be a rude and cantankerous ungracious O.A.P. I realise I’m guilty of most of these things already but as I grow older I can do it blame free!!

I remember the first time I had to change schools. Most kids stay in the same primary/junior school to the age of 11 when they saunter off into the big bad world of secondary education to be let loose on society, succumb to peer pressure and fall in with bad crowds. I on the other hand was a lot younger.

It was 1985 and I was 4 years old and until that point had been attending “Ashmore Park Nursery” the local nursery school, and I was happy. I had friends at school and at home I was wrapped in bubble of perfect family life with a mom, a dad and a baby sister, which lets face it is all a 4 year girl old really needs, loving parents and a baby to play dolly with. Then early one January morning I was rudely awoken while it was still dark outside whisked off to my aunts house and put back to sleep in a huge bed, bigger than the one I was used to sleeping in. I remember thinking it was some big adventure I sat awake for a while listening to the noises drifting in from outside. There was people coming and going and a hum of activity I knew something big was happening but at 4 I had no idea just quite how life changing that hive activity was for me!

At some point in the night, probably no more than a few minutes after being put there (but at that age it felt like forever) I fell back to sleep and woke the next morning to world drastically altered from the one I knew the day before.

I can’t remember much of that day except at some point my mom appeared looking disheveled, tired and wrought with emotion and I was ushered into the lounge from the kitchen/diner and told to sit down. The details of the conversation elude me but the basics of it stuck with me forever “Daddy was poorly last night, we had to take him to hospital and now he’s gone to live with the angels up in heaven.”.

I can’t remember much of the weeks that followed, unsurprisingly I can’t even remember what happened next that day. I have a vague recollection of going to stay with my Nan and Grandad, and not going home for a long time, but long in a 4 year olds terms and long now at 26 are surely 2 different things so it may have only been for a week or two rather than the months it felt, and lots of people crying. In fact I only really have 3 events that stick in my mind from that period of time 1. Having to move house, My mom didn’t want to stay in the house she’s shared with my dad as it was too tough for her to deal with the memories so we moved, 2. Going out with my Mom and “Uncle” (he doesn’t like being called uncle now I think it makes him feel old) Peter to buy bunkbeds as a bribe to convince me that it was a good idea to move house “because now you get to share a room with your baby sister and you get a cool new bed” and 3. Starting a new school closer to the new house.

My new school, Danesmore Park, was just around the corner from us, my garden at the new house backed onto the playground it was that close and I remember being able to hear the school bells and the children playing on the playground from my bedroom. Although I can’t remember if we’d actually moved into that house or were still living at my Grandparents waiting to move in on my first day there, I do know exactly what happened in my first 10 minutes after walking through the door.

I can’t work out if the apprehension I felt about starting there was nervous or excited energy, or more likely a bit of both but I walked through the door into the entrance hall and took my coat off, my Mom hovered in the background whilst my new teacher, Mrs Whitehouse (who was also the blonde kids first teacher when he started at the same school many years later) showed me my coat peg and ushered me through the doorway and into the classroom. A sea of faces looked up at me from the book corner where they were sitting waiting for the register and I remember feeling a little out of place until I spotted one familiar face in all those expectant smiles. Hayley Foster.

Her family lived half a dozen doors away from my Grandparents and while I’d been staying there dealing with the aftermath of my fathers death we’d struck up a friendship, We would often play in her, or my grandparents gardens building castles out clothes racks and old blankets, or colouring in pictures sharing our pencil crayons and arguing over the black one. I always insisted on starting my pictures with the black first, this really frustrated Hayley as every self respecting 4 year old knows you use the black last! I homed in on that girl like a heat seeking missile and announced to my teacher, my mom and anyone else that would listen I’m going to sit by HER, pointing at Hayley.

Once registration was over I followed Hayley over to her table to start our day, sat down and in that instant set a precedent that would last a lifetime I introduced myself to everyone around that table and proceeded on to the rest of the class. Even now in any work or social situation if there is somebody I don’t know in the room/at our table I feel compelled to introduce myself and find out at least their name within the first 15 minutes of being in their company I’m sure some psychologist would point out it was some kind of defense mechanism for detracting my fears of being accepted or some such nonsense I just call it being friendly!

I have no idea what happened for the rest of that day, in fact I don’t think I even have anymore real memories of that year or the next of school. It’s funny how selective your memory can be, I didn’t even realise I remembered that much about starting at Danesmore until recently when I started talking to the blonde kid about starting his new school and it seemed to open a flood gate and it all came rushing back.

Jordan, until this summer had also been attending Danesmore Park, although he started there even younger than I was, attending the Mother and Toddler group first and then joining the nursery, where he made a group of friends that would be in every class with him for the next 5 years. He can’t remember most of this. His passage into this school wasn’t marked by anything as traumatic as a death in the family nor did we have any of the usual anxiety of “Will he make friends?, Settle in o.k?” as he already knew a good 75% of the children and was familiar with his surroundings from the Mother and Toddler group. He relished being in school using his time there as an opportunity not only to learn new skills but also to socialize and soak up all the deluge of new experiences being thrust in his direction. It was a perfect introduction into the education system. It’s a shame the council can’t see how important these foundations are when they storm in and close schools down.

So they’ve closed Danesmore and for the first time in his life Jordan has had to go into a situation that he was not 100% familiar with all by himself. He has started a new school, and It’s got me to wondering, What memories he will take away with him from this transitional period??

Luckily for him there are 4 other children in his class that he’d attended Danesmore with so he didn’t turn up on the first day all by himself with no clue to how he was going to get through the day, So I can’t see him looking back on the first day and remembering a feeling of dread of stepping into the unknown.

Maybe his only memory will be of the girl in his class who on the first day said she fancied him and “I didn’t even know her name!”. Maybe it will be of the teacher, Mr Tennant, who was rather bemused when a small blonde boy approached him on the first day and asked “Do you play Dr Who?” and replied “I’m sorry, I don’t know how to play that ask one of the others!”. Obviously he’s not update with popular television so not seeing the logic of a 7 year old putting 2 and 2 together and it being a natural assumption that when your new teacher has the same name as a the actor who at the same time is playing your most “favourite t.v character EVER” they could quite possibly be one and the same. Maybe it will be of the flowers the teachers had given all new pupils to welcome them into the school, they had quite an influx of new students with the closure of danesmore from parents who like me didn’t want to send them to the local authorities idea of an alternative.

Or maybe in 20+ years time, he’ll be keeping a blog all of his own and be recounting his first day in school in his new school in much more detail like I just have while sitting wondering what his children will remember about their first day at school.