Today is my birthday and there has been a lot of talk about me “knocking on 30”, “getting old” and “going grey” so as I slip ungraciously one year closer to the big THREE OH, it got me thinking about this.

I realize that your 30th birthday is supposed to be the marker for entering middle age, the benchmark for the onset of the “mid-life crisis”, the end of an era, or whatever and most my (*ahem* older) friends have approached the day with a sense of dread. With a growing apprehension that could not be articulated that apparently set in around their 27th birthday. As one friend pointed out to me you “It’s like you leave the safety zone of your “mid-twenties” and can now only wear the label “late-twenties” and it’s admitting your growing up” I have none of these fears, I can’t wait to grow old (I’m never growing up), and not just 30 old, I’m talking O.A.P old!!

My 20’s have been fun and my 30’s are definitely going to be, and I’m sure will my 40’s will be, but it’s when I turn 60 and I’m nearly grey the fun will really start. I have a whole list of things that bug the shit out of me that the older generation are guilty of now, that I can’t wait for my turn to inflict on others.

I can’t wait to receive my free bus pass and knowing full well it doesn’t come into effect until 09:30am stand at the bus stop from 09:15 arguing with the drivers who wont let me on early so delaying the bus sufficiently to make all the poor saps on their way to work late. Once on the bus I will presume its my god given right to sit on your lap if there is nowhere else to sit, and pretend I don’t notice I’m invading your personal space while I’m leaning all over you discussing the weather, or talking at the top of my voice about the “youth of today” and the “noise they make” drowning out any conversations any one else may be trying to conduct with a “noise” of my own.

I will refuse to hold doors open while in shops for anyone entering behind me, but will tut and shake my head when they are not held for me. I will talk to babies in prams who quite clearly don’t want to be talked to making their parents feel awkward about asking me to move. I will smell of mints (not piss not even I can stretch it that far) I will never say please or thank you, and I will chew food with my mouth open because I obviously forgot what manners were in my old age. I will blame my hearing lose when I chose to ignore something I didn’t really want to hear and blame my memory loss, not the fact I’m a cheapskate, when I forget to send you a birthday card.

So all this considered I can’t wait to be a rude and cantankerous ungracious O.A.P. I realise I’m guilty of most of these things already but as I grow older I can do it blame free!!