Emma arrived back from her holiday in Cuba a couple of weeks ago and en route from the airport called me up and announced “I have some news!”. “You’re pregnant” I immediately respond, No easy feat with my tongue stuck firmly in my cheek (my sister is the least maternal person on the planet and freely admits she’s too selfish to have kids). Incredulous she responded “No don’t be stupid, guess…” I tell her to “Shut up I don’t have to guess I already KNOW what’s going on“, (she’s been angling for a proposal since buying her house with Danny, her now husband-to-be six months ago and he is just soppy enough to take in all the barely veiled hints and rather predictably got down on one knee while on their holiday.) “You’re engaged”

“YES I AM” she excitedly screamed “And you’re going to be bridesmaid”

Right there is when I made my first mistake I should have screamed “NOoooooooooooo” hung up the phone and gone into hiding, but instead what crossed my mind was “Duh I’m your sister why wouldn’t I be” and what actually crossed my lips was “Fantastic!” We carried on the conversation for a couple of minutes me asking all the predictable questions “How” “Where” “When” and making all the right noises in all the right places and at the end of the conversation I hung up adn sat and talked about it with James. Mistake number two, I should have called her straight back and screamed “NOoooooooooo, I can’t do it!” and then gone into hiding.

Had I known then what I know now I think I would have done.

I seriously believe it would be less stressful organizing my own wedding day! It has been 3 weeks since her phone call and I am exhausted. Not one day has passed that hasn’t involved some wedding speak either a phone call or a text message, an email or a conversation over msn, there is no escape.

Danny’s involvement has gone as far as to get down on one knee, and then pay for the ring once Emma had chosen it (he wisely chose not to buy the ring in advance knowing how picky Lil’ Miss Jennings is) and decide who is to be best man (well men in this instance)

Emma on the other hand has already booked the church, and then dragged me along to chose her dress and then change her mind, look at venues and then change her mind, and then back again, but may change again shortly, try on bridesmaids dresses and then change her mind (because you look like you have a fat in ass in that one “gee thanks kidda!”), Visit suit shops (a job for the groom I thought) and craft shops and accessory shops.

We’ve talked about table decorations (balloons vs flowers), meals (carvery vs silver service) entertainment (band vs DJ) Hen weekends (home vs abroad). We’ve discussed the guest list (and who’s going to be offended by the lack of invitation to the actual service of a certain member of the family who shall remain un-named). We’ve looked and photographers, videographers, florists and hairdressers. I’ve been talked into making all 200 invites, of which she wanted examples of in the colour of her choice for the end of last week, and into making all the place settings, favors and seating plans.

And with all of the above she asks my opinion then promptly tells me I’m wrong and does what she wants any way.

I am honestly happy for her in a way that only big sister can be but here’s the best bit, The date……..

19th September 2009!

I love my sister to pieces and I wouldn’t have her any other way, she is who she is but I can’t help thinking SLOW DOWN!

I have two years of this! Two years of running errands and over excited phone calls, conversations about dresses and colour schemes and suits and stuff I personally don’t really care about, well I do for her but it is far too materialistic for me. I have two years to help her work out seating plans and menus and transport and all sorts of things I can’t think of right now as I have no idea what she’ll ask of me next, So please if I go a period of time with no contact with you all, send a man with a straight jacket as I will have more than likely turned into a gibbering mess!