Category Archives: WBIAGW

Player Level – Intermediate.

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The other night I was cooking dinner and the blonde kid stuck his head into the kitchen.

“What we having mom”

“Chicken dinner hun” I replied “Chicken, Mash, Broccoli, Yorkshire Puddings….”

His face dropped, “Can I have something different?”

“Why?” I asked. “What’s wrong with your moms cooking?” piped up James “She’s an expert cook”

“Well…” said the blonde kid “She’s not an expert, more like an intermediate. You and me James we’re beginners and mom, she’s an intermediate”

I looked on pretty speechless, as what do you say to that I was impressed that he knew the meaning of “intermediate” and able to use it in context, I wasn’t however impressed that was how my son saw my cooking, I thought all kids were supposed to prefer their own mom’s food!?

Then James asked…

“So Jordan, do we know any experts?”

His response. “No, but if mom cooks two more meals then she’ll reach expert level”

I am no longer impressed, Now I just think he plays to many computer games!!

Is this seat taken?

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I was sitting on the bus today on my way home from work, not really interested in what was playing on my Ipod and for once not having my head buried in a book I was listlessly gazing out of the window . Contemplating the world as it passed me by when a man tapped me on the shoulder interrupting my reverie.

“Excuse me love”

I turned in response expecting the usual “Is this seat taken?/do you have the time?/do you know which stop for (insert random place here)”

“Have you been singing? Look at the rain, Yep, look at the rain. There are two things you should never complain about, the weather and your age, you can’t do anything to change either so there is no use complaining about them. Are you taking this all in young un.”

Yes he called me young un – I may have started warming to him then.

“Are you listening? There is no use complaining your weather and your age, You’re taking this all in aren’t you, don’t bother worrying about either as it’ll be a waste of your time and you can’t waste time because you never know when one day you’ll wake up in the morning and find yourself dead”

At that he got up, walked to the front of the bus and disembarked at the next stop.

I was lost for words, How do you respond to a statement like that? All the usual sarcasm that I can draw on in moments like that had deserted me. All I kept thinking was “Cheeky mad bastard, how does he know my singing is THAT bad!?”

Not on a “school” night!

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I am the April fool.

I wasn’t tricked into believing the ipod mind control accessory actually existed or that Google and Virgin were to join forces and launch “Virgle” and start a “permanent human colony” on Mars. I didn’t believe it when I heard that that to try and increase the popularity of greyhound racing there was to be a trail run of “Dog Racing On Ice” or that there is a new breed of penguins that can actually fly – (actually I was momentarily taken in by that one, the “footage” the BBC had was AWESOME – the wonders of C.G.I but that isn’t why I am the fool.)

I am the worst kind of fool – I should know better and I know I’m old enough to look after myself. I ask for no sympathy but please also don’t judge me I am already in a place of self inflicted purgatory. I feel terrible, my head is fuzzy and I’m tired no not just tired exhausted and it is all my own fault.

I think I did myself the worst kind of damage last night. I attempting to fit myself nicely into the Guiness Book of records, Right into section for idiotic people, somewhere in between the the women who thought it would be a good idea to live in a staple diet of salmonella and the man who juggles hand grenades.

My record attempt was to drink my body weight in vodka.

Ok so that maybe a small lie, just a little exaggeration, I didn’t drink THAT much. I did however drink enough to stumble home at a little before 2am wearing a manic grin that only a person who’s blood alcohol level is actually greater than their red cell count could sport and tell the long suffering James (who in all his brilliance had the foresight to wait up for me as I’d forgotten my keys – again) just how wonderful my night had been (I’d gone out with a school friend I hadn’t seen for the last 12 years) three times over!!

I woke this morning after just under 5 hours sleep feeling surprisingly sprightly. When I sat up and the room didn’t spin I thought I’d got away with it, and when I went to the bathroom and the pain I was expecting to find in there (and have found on other unfortunate mornings) with the bright morning light reflected and amplified by the white walls didn’t materialise I knew I got away with it.

How easily fooled I am.

I bent over to brush my teeth and right there with water swirling before my eyes a foamy mouth and minty fresh breathe it hit me, yup I felt fine, yes there was definitely no hangover, BUT (and there was going to be a but wasn’t there) it is actually quite hard to feel the effects of a hangover while you’re still pissed!!

I did the only thing I could in situations like that I went and collapsed back into bed where I tried to map out my day in the least painful way as possible to aide my sobering up/recovery process

It didn’t take me long to figure not only could I not spend the day in bed wrapped in the comfort of my duvet as I’d have liked, I’d made arrangements to go into Birmingham with the blonde kid and “Nanny Lesley” to see Deep Sea 3D at the Imax, which can be motion sickness inducing at the best of times but was going to be so much worse in my current “state”.

It never even crossed my mind to cancel, they weren’t going to miss out because I have no self control. So I went and I spent my day circumnavigating the hubbub of New Street station and Birmingham City centre and generally having as much fun as you can while waiting for the tipsy light-headedness to wear off and the sick queasiness to begin.

I’ve been lucky despite nearly falling to sleep in the cinema (twice), and the nauseating sweet smell of whatever tooth rotting bag of sugar Jordan had bought while we were in Selfridges wafting across to me periodically I lasted until I returned home again until the “I want to be sick and then curl up and sleep forever” feeling kicked in.

At points this evening the immortal words of many a recovered alcoholic have threatened to pass my lips “Never again!” but I know I’d be fooling no one but myself with false promises . I KNOW have no one to blame but myself so as I sit here pouring self pitying drivel in the keyboard I ask for nothing but maybe a wry smile as I know you’ve all been here, maybe a kind offer to hold back my hair should the sickly feeling progress into something much worse and for someone to pass me a dictionary.

I’m going to bed just as soon as I’ve looked up the meaning of “Moderation”

Spontaneous Idealist

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As I discussed earlier I am a sucker for social networking, I love all things myspace and facebook. What I forgo mentioning was my addiction doesn’t end there I am also a sucker for those myspace bulletins “50 questions about me” “20 questions about your number one” or “Coke vs Pepsi” and those Facebook applications that predict your compatibility with your mother’s best friend’s cousin, and whether you’ll end up married to a guy with long/short/blonde/brunette hair!

Today I added an application that was supposed to tell me my personality type and the only reason I’ve decided to draw it to your attention is that for the first time ever ever ever ever ever ever EVER it actually gave an answer that could actually be me! Well all apart from being refereed to as “He” and “Him”

It appears I am a “Spontaneous Idealist”and here is what the results showed…

The spontaneous idealist is a creative, lively and open-minded person. He is humorous and disposes of a contagious zest for life. His enthusiasm and sparkling energy inspires others and sweeps them along. He enjoys being together with other people and often has an uncanny intuition for their motivations and potential. The spontaneous idealist is a master of communication and a very amusing and gifted entertainer. Fun and variety are guaranteed when he is around. However, he is sometimes somewhat too impulsive in dealing with others and can hurt people without really meaning to do so, due to his direct and sometimes critical nature.

This personality type is a keen and alert observer; he misses nothing which is going on around him. In extreme cases, he tends to be oversensitive and exaggeratedly alert and is inwardly always ready to jump. Life for him is an exciting drama full of emotionality. However, he quickly becomes bored when things repeat themselves and too much detailed work and care is required. His creativity, his imaginativeness and his originality become most noticeable when developing new projects and ideas – he then leaves the meticulous implementation of the whole to others. On the whole, the spontaneous idealist attaches great value to his inner and outward independence and does not like accepting a subordinate role. He therefore has problems with hierarchies and authorities.

If you have a spontaneous idealist as your friend, you will never be bored; with him, you can enjoy life to the full and celebrate the best parties. At the same time, he is warm, sensitive, attentive and always willing to help. If the spontaneous idealist has just fallen in love, the sky is full of violins and his new partner is showered with attention and affection. This type then bubbles over with charm, tenderness and imagination. But, unfortunately, it soon becomes boring for him once the novelty has worn off. Boring everyday life in a partnership is not for him so that many spontaneous idealists slip from one affair into another. However, should the partner manage to keep his curiosity alive and not let routine and familiarity gain the upper hand, the spontaneous idealist can be an inspiring and loving partner.

So to summarise I’m loud, obnoxious, nosy, insensitive, OVER sensitive, bossy, never finish anything I’ve started, I hate authority BUT great when I’m in love (and not bored).

Sounds about right to me!

Today…

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Today I was going to…

Go for a walk with my camera, tidy the living room, make a list of D.I.Y tasks for the house, make an appointment at the hair dressers, sort out the blonde kids room (and oh my does it need sorting out), organise drinks with friends for tonight, invite other friends over for dinner next week, call my mom about our day trip Tuesday, think about buying another shelving unit for the front room (with a view for an excuse for a trip to Ikea) and bath the cat. Tackle the mountain of washing in the laundry basket and teh landslid of paper work on the desk.

Instead I slept in, When I finally rose  and looked out of the window I discovered it is raining,!

My sister called I’m going shopping instead!!

I am a social networking whore!

WBIAGW

Where have the last few months gone?

Last time I looked it was Christmas and now it’s March and we’re at Easter and all tucking into hollow bunnies and freezing in the snow (Can somebody please tell the guys in charge it’s supposed to be spring that means flowers and sunshine PLEASE!)

However in saying that looking back I can see exactly where the time has gone. It has been a whirlwind of domesticated shenanigans, friends, school, birthdays, parties, deaf men, (well man – there was only one of them) weddings and all other kinds of things that have kept me from my blog, but when at home and I have the time, mainly I blame the internet for the passage of unproductive time whilst sitting at the computer.

The internet and it’s infinite number of distracting offerings that keep me away from my task in hand in this instance blogging – but trust me when I say the internet keeps me from all kinds of “other” things I should be doing, housework for instance (Sorry James I will sort out the wardrobe situation – eventually).

It is a sorry excuse I know, if I’m at the computer and I’ve had all this other stuff going on I should have ample material to blog about. Then when I’m here with facebook and myspace and flickr and moblog calling for my attention and with my new found addictions to poker or scramble or scrabulous and *add any other facebook application you can think of here, shouting for me to join in with the fun time just gets away from me. Before I know it, it is midnight and I realise I have to get up for work in the morning and really need to go to bed NOW before I start another round of any of the aforementioned and it will get to 4am and I will still be sitting here.

I realise I sound like and addict… My name is Steph and it has been 22minutes since I last signed into any of my social network sites, but honestly that is where I seem to spend most of my time right now. It’s a quick and easy to keep in touch with people I don’t see often and a convenient way to organise my social calender with those I do.

However I am working to redress the balance, hence me blogging right now. I thought of my poor neglected blog and all the interesting things I could have wrote about and felt a pang of guilt, which, after logging onto my dashboard, was compounded by the 4 comments awaiting moderation, that by WordPress’ records have been waiting since the beginning of February (sorry Tiff & SFG).

So I will blog again soon, I promise, I have the ideas and right now I have the time so I will make more of an effort but right now I have to check my email, then my facebook, Someone might of poked me or something and I’ll have missed it because I’ve been here writing this!

Well….

WBIAGW

Last night sitting in a Chinese restaurant celebrating the Chinese new year, I look up and smile at the blond kid who is just about to take a mouthful of cake:

TheBlondeKid: What are you smiling at?

Me: Just you.

TBK: I know what that smile means..

Me: What?

TBK: That I’m going to eat this and it tastes nasty and your going to laugh at me.

Me: No I was just smiling at you.

TBK: So YOU eat it…

Me: I’ve just had one, I was really just smiling at you. Eat it.

TBK: No you eat it…

Me: (through a mouthful of the blonde ones cake) I told you there was nothing wrong with it…

(pauses to swallow)

…You don’t trust me do you?

TBK: Do you think I’m crazy??