I am the April fool.<\/p>\n
I wasn’t tricked into believing the ipod mind control<\/a> accessory actually existed or that Google and Virgin were to join forces and launch “Virgle” and start a “permanent human colony”<\/a> on Mars. I didn’t believe it when I heard that that to try and increase the popularity of greyhound racing there was to be a trail run of “Dog Racing On Ice”<\/a> or that there is a new breed of penguins that can actually fly<\/a> – (actually I was momentarily taken in by that one, the “footage” the BBC had was AWESOME – the wonders of C.G.I but that isn’t why I am the fool.)<\/p>\n I am the worst kind of fool – <\/strong>I should know better and I know I’m old enough to look after myself. I ask for no sympathy but please also don’t judge me I am already in a place of self inflicted purgatory. I feel terrible, my head is fuzzy and I’m tired no not just tired exhausted and it is all my own fault.<\/p>\n I think I did myself the worst kind of damage last night. I attempting to fit myself nicely into the Guiness Book of records, Right into section for idiotic people, somewhere in between the the women who thought it would be a good idea to live in a staple diet of salmonella and the man who juggles hand grenades.<\/p>\n My record attempt was to drink my body weight in vodka.<\/strong><\/p>\n Ok so that maybe a small lie, just a little exaggeration, I didn’t drink THAT much. I did however drink enough to stumble home at a little before 2am wearing a manic grin that only a person who’s blood alcohol level is actually greater than their red cell count could sport and tell the long suffering James (who in all his brilliance had the foresight to wait up for me as I’d forgotten my keys – again) just how wonderful my night had been (I’d gone out with a school friend I hadn’t seen for the last 12 years) three times over!!<\/p>\n I woke this morning after just under 5 hours sleep feeling surprisingly sprightly. When I sat up and the room didn’t spin I thought I’d got away with it, and when I went to the bathroom and the pain I was expecting to find in there (and have found on other unfortunate mornings) with the bright morning light reflected and amplified by the white walls didn’t materialise I knew I got away with it.<\/p>\n How easily fooled I am.<\/p>\n I bent over to brush my teeth and right there with water swirling before my eyes a foamy mouth and minty fresh breathe it hit me, yup I felt fine, yes there was definitely no hangover, BUT (and there was going to be a but wasn’t there) it is actually quite hard to feel the effects of a hangover while you’re still pissed!!<\/p>\n I did the only thing I could in situations like that I went and collapsed back into bed where I tried to map out my day in the least painful way as possible to aide my sobering up\/recovery process<\/p>\n It didn’t take me long to figure not only could I not spend the day in bed wrapped in the comfort of my duvet as I’d have liked, I’d made arrangements to go into Birmingham with the blonde kid and “Nanny Lesley” to see Deep Sea 3D at the Imax, which can be motion sickness inducing at the best of times but was going to be so much worse in my current “state”.<\/p>\n It never even crossed my mind to cancel, they weren’t going to miss out because I have no self control. So I went and I spent my day circumnavigating the hubbub of New Street station and Birmingham City centre and generally having as much fun as you can while waiting for the tipsy light-headedness to wear off and the sick queasiness to begin.<\/p>\n I’ve been lucky despite nearly falling to sleep in the cinema (twice), and the nauseating sweet smell of whatever tooth rotting bag of sugar Jordan had bought while we were in Selfridges wafting across to me periodically I lasted until I returned home again until the “I want to be sick and then curl up and sleep forever” feeling kicked in.<\/p>\n At points this evening the immortal words of many a recovered alcoholic have threatened to pass my lips “Never again!” but I know I’d be fooling no one but myself with false promises . I KNOW have no one to blame but myself so as I sit here pouring self pitying drivel in the keyboard I ask for nothing but maybe a wry smile as I know you’ve all been here, maybe a kind offer to hold back my hair should the sickly feeling progress into something much worse and for someone to pass me a dictionary.<\/p>\n I’m going to bed just as soon as I’ve looked up the meaning of “Moderation”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" I am the April fool. I wasn’t tricked into believing the ipod mind control accessory actually existed or that Google and Virgin were to join forces and launch “Virgle” and start a “permanent human colony” on Mars. I didn’t believe it when I heard that that to try and increase the popularity of greyhound racing … Continue reading Not on a “school” night!<\/span>