I’m in a foul FOUL mood and I think I may throw something to stop me from self combusting!!!

I’ve been up since STUPID o’clock this morning then I’ve been at work since SIX to a whole load of SHIT I’ve only just got in (15:00ish) and I’m hating life in general. I really feel like I’m about to burst into tears/throw something/scream/shout/stamp my feet/etc I’m so tense and tired and I just dont know what to do with myself!!

Why do PEOPLE have to ruin everything, people spoil all my good moods all my fun!! AND FUCKING MEN ARE THE WORST, Male managers thinking they’re better than you and are nothing but a tea girl!!! That and other men, YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE….making me out to be the bad one because I was, oh my god dare I say it, HONEST, with you!!! (Yes I’ve read your blog very clever ha ha make me feel like shit for telling the truth!!)

FUCKING HELL!!!!!

Silly boys, Silly work, SILLY SILLY Christmas, Silly gigs that I missed (Foo Fighters last night see previous posts I’m not going threre again!) silly managers, silly computers, silly phones, silly family, silly days silly nights, silly non-existent friends, silly shopping, silly insomnia, silly godamn mother fucking autophobia, SILLY FUCKING ME!!!!!

I’m still basking in the glow of so much undeserved admiration (apparently I’m pretty and intelligent they obviously dont know me all that well 😉 …) so excuse me if this post is all gushy..

..had a pretty up and down week as you can tell from my previous posts but all is well now. Went to bed after my last post on Thursday feeling like death and fell asleep at what for me can only be descibed as a reasonable hour…only to wake at 03:30 and not be able to get back to sleep untill 07:20 just to be woken by my alarm clock 10 minutes later!! BUT I did feel so much better than the previous night!

Jordans birthday Friday so he was a ball of energy when he came bounding into my bedroom, although I did a very mean thing and wouldn’t let him open any of his presents untill AFTER school…he was excited enough as it was!! He still had a lovely day I gave him the choice of doing naything he wanted for dinner..expecting the answer of either McDonalds or the Wacky Warehouse at our local pub, but in all surprises he wanted Chicken and Chips in a box from the local chippy, which was nice as I didn’t have to trek anywhere in the cold to please him!

Saturday was spent on trains, buses and cars travelling multiple times into random (well Birmingham and Wolverhampton) town centres to partake in lots of random christmas time activities!! The morning was Santas Christmas Grotto in Birmingham with the predictable elves and reindeer, But I still cant for the life of figure out why they had pink swans, Never something that springs to my mind when I think of the christmas period?? Then it was over to the German Market (surprise surprise) so that Jordan could go on the Helter Skelter.

I was rather disheartened that he was so inimpressed with the merry-go-round, he refused to go it..I was looking forward to having a go myself! The afternoon saw me in Wolverhampton visiting the Hungarian Market that’s been set up around Victoria and Market squares and trying to keep Jordan awake as he was dead on his feet the ammount of walking I’d made him do, the poor child!

Saturday evening…Jordan dispatched to a babysitters for the evening, I went back into Birmingham (via Walsall) to go ICE SKATING!! WOOOO !!!!!!

I’d been wanting to go ever since I’d heard that there had been a temporary OUTDOOR rink put up in Centenary Square in Birmingham and as I got asked along earlier in the week I agreed wholeheartedly, thinking that it would be a whole lot of fun with a group of people (most of which I didn’t know) and a good laugh at each other falling over…

HOW MY HEART SUNK when I found out that I’d been so misguided in the belief that we’d all be as bad as each other. Not only is Catherine EXCELLENT on the ice, she actually has gone as far as to own her own ice-skates that is how often she used to skate! I should point out that last night was the fifth time I’d been ice-skating EVER and the last time was 4 years ago!! The chances of me ending up on my arse or with a broken limb of some kind were very HIGH I wasn’t looking forward to showing myself up!!

I surpassed myself not only did I NOT fall over (good job really as the ice was so so wet and I was wearing a skirt!) I actually was complimented (in a back handed kinda way) on my skating when I came of the ice!!

So WOO for me.

I had an absolutley FANTASTIC time, So thanks to Cat for inviting me, she has some of the loveliest friends who made me feel more than welcome to be there with them and i can’t wait to do it again..

….I feel all festive now, santas grottos, christmas markets and ice skating in the shadow of christmas tree, maybe this holiday season may not be as bad as first anticipated. wI will wait and see!!

I’m ill…and no I didn’t eat all my chocolate and make myself sick! I have a cold that is rapidly becoming *sniff* MAN-FLU!!

I got thrown out of work today, (well sent home early) as apparently I was “good for nothing sitting in the corner shivering”…I have dosed myself up on Nurofen AND Lemsip AND Soothers (Raspberry & Peach and Strawberry James, no Blackcurrant) and no matter what I do I cant shake it!!

I cant keep warm my sinuses are all stuffy and my head is too heavy to be of any use. My muscles ache and I’ve started to develop a cough!! I feel seriously sorry for myself and to make it worse I know have some one asking ME for relationship advice.

HA!! what a fucking joke…25, single parent, and they want advice off me!!

The longest relationship I was in lastest 5 years with my sons father and that was because I was too stupid to get out of it any sooner. Since then I’ve only had one other serious relationship and what a disaster that turned out to be, off more than it was on, and it turned out not worth all the effort in the end. As, shock of all shocks, he turned into an arsehole too…

I’m sure its me, I have a pheromone that men have an allergic reaction to which makes them display all ther worst qualities to me.

So ask someone else for advice. I’m in no mood to give it to make your life easier while I’m having a I hate all men, I feel sorry for myself moment!

Right I’m off to have an early night as I have a hyperactive, over excitable child to deal with tomorrow and it just so happens to be his birthday so multiply the excitability by infinity…that and I have to be in work at 10, they may have sent me home today but they WILL expect me there in the morning!

I NEED to get better for the weekend, visiting santa with a cold is something that I could do without and I’m NOT missing out on ice-skating!!

I have in front of me a WHOLE box of Green and Blacks, Organic Milk Chocolate Bars…15 of them to a box and they are all mine!! SO SO nice! What can I say except….

HMMmmmm!!

Woke up this morning still feeling awful stuffy head and all, and the lack of getting to sleep at a civilized hour hasn’t helped much either.

Looked out the window and it’s all frosty and cold. Jordan wouldn’t get out of bed, stop jumping around or get dressed when I asked him so we were late to school, I’m sure that kid has a radar that tells him when I’m not feeling my best so the best times to play me up are!!

Got home and turned the computer on to find a few of my friends raving about the Rufus Wainright gig at the Symphony Hall in Birmingham last night, which I really wanted to go to but couldn’t, and some of the same friends bragging about looking forward to going to see the Foo Fighters this coming week in Birmingham/Manchester (depending on who I’m talking to) another gig that I wanted go to and can’t (see previous posts for details I’m not going there again!!)

So a brilliant start to the day!! BUT then the postman came and instead of the usual round of Junkmail, Bills and consumer surveys, I have a letter….

…in the age of modern technology with email and mobile phones it has become extremely rare to receive real post, hand written on real paper! But I did and it’s from my uncle in New Zealand..I got very exicted. he has yet again extended the offer for me to go over and stay with him and his family ( I have an aunt and 3 cousins over there that I have never met) and was telling me how his eldest as joined the army! It brightened up a very miserable morning so heres to hoping things can only get better from here!!

…all i want for christmas is a complete makeover possibly a few £1000 in the bank and a holiday somewhere that seems a million miles away!! BUT if thats too much to ask, a place to go christmas day would be nice!!

Its 2 1/2 weeks till christmas and I still dont know what I’m doing!!! It was bought sharply into focus again this afternoon at Jordans’ christmas play, all the parents were there discussing their plans and I had no idea what I am doing!! SHIT, better get something sorted else I can see myself spending the day alone in bed/climbing the walls/crying into my microwave turkey dinner and generally feeling like its the end of the world! Hmmm!

I think I’ve single handedly started a flu epidemic in my sons school, woke up this morning feeling awful again but realised that the symptoms had shifted from the hangover variety to the more heady cold like variety. My head hurts, my neck is sore, my throat hurts my sinuses are blocked and i feel like shit. I’ve been drinking Lemsip, eating soothers and sleeping on my moms’ sofa untill I woke witha shock and realised it was time to go to the school to watch “The Hoity Toity Angels” our schools twist on the nativity play. I’m sorry to all the parents/teachers/children that came into contact with the shivery/coughing/generally ill me, dont blame me if you’ve caught this cold, Blame James it’s all his fault as I’m sure thats where I got it from in the first place!!

Back to work tomorrow, I really dont feel up to it right now, but this close to Christmas I cant afford the time off so I’ll just go infect the rest of the city of Wolverhampton with my whining and piss my manager off by coughing/sneezing on the customers, GOD i hate being ill, worse I HATE being single and ill, no one to rub my back, make me a hot chocolate or just help put the little one to bed, BAH oh well time to go complain some more at my mom at the very least i can con her into making me a cup of tea!

…I stil feel like I’ve been in a train wreck this morning!!

Every part of me aches, my shoulders, back, legs. head etc.. my eyes are still having a little trouble focusing and although I dont feel the imminent threat of anything I eat regurgitating itself anymore there is still something not quite right!

I want to sleep the rest of the week away but such luck for me, working all week as well as fitting in.. Tuesday is my sons christmas play, Friday is his birthday and Saturday I have to try and find somewhere to take him to see father christmas, any ideas anyone?? December is considerable lacking in Grotos this year…maybe all the elves have gone on strike with the firemen and gas board??

Like an idiot I said he could choose what we did this weekend, he wants to go see santa and I dont think I’m going to be able to deliver hmmm…any volunteers to dress up for me??