…Comes highly recommended!!

This weekend has been so hectic but my darling son has kept me amused. On two occasions this weekend Jordan has had me in hysterics and I just have to share..

Saturday he wanted to play on his Gameboy but it needed to charging so he comes into the kitchen to me…

J : Mom have we got a spare plug I can plug this into please?
Me: Yes sweetie under the table in the living room.

Off he goes into the living room and reappears 30 secs later.

J: Can I use the extension lead so I can play while its charging?
Me: Yes hun its by the table but you’ll have to plug it in.
J: Ok I can do it..

Off he goes back in to the living room sort it out, I follow on a couple of minutes later to find him sitting on the floor looking totally confused as to why he couldn’t get any of it to work…

…He’d plugged the extension lead into its self!!! I got the giggles and hda to calm myslf down to explain to him why there was no electricity to work the game!!

Sunday evening, (and in all fairness this wasn’t Jordan being a child to amuse me this was “Mommy(??) Steph” encouraging him and his friend in some totally inappropriate behaviour!!)

It was Joshs’ (Jordans class mate) birthday party at the local bowling alley and after spending 2 hours trying to teach 15 kids aged 6 and under to play we gave in and had a game ourselves, while winding the kids up completely threatening to throw them down to knock the skittles over, running round the pool tables screaming and stuffing them full of E numbers for when thier parents returned to pick them up, Finally 8pm appeared the kids dispersed and we left, me sitting the back of Shelleys (Joshs’ Mom) car in between a very wound up birthday boy and my eternally over excitable son, It was a mistake on Shelley and Jays part to think that I could be trusted with them!! We were heading back to theirs for a glass or three of wine so the kids could wind down (ha!) and we parents could relax after the party!!

In the back of the car we hatched a plan….as we pulled on the drive I showed the boys how to let the helium out of their balloons and what fun could be had by sucking it down and running round the garden singing at the top of thier voices….”There’s a worm at the bottom of my garden!!” It took Shelley a couple of minutes to figure out what I’d done and It took Jay even less time to find a balloon and join in!! Again I dissolved into a fit of giggles.

I suppose you had to be there to fully appriciate how funny these scenes were but how I laughed!!

…So much for disappearing for a couple of days to do the decorating. I’m bored already, I’ve gotten as far as to turn my living room completely upside down, Rearrange some of the furniture and find the paint out for the now I’m bored and decided on some cyber therapy! I will get it done I have made a good start even iff all the rearranging has disorientated the rabbit!

I’ve called in work sick today, Case of my babysitter letting me down and with all the shit I’ve put up with not being bothered to find a replacement!! besides I couldn’t really go to work with a hand the size of a baseball….(Its all bruised after punching my brother see previous post).. could I?

My phone has broken (AGAIN) it keeps deleting all the send settings from the factory settings so I can’t send text messages and can only occasionally make calls as long as I’m in an area of high reception, it is very strange it’s the third time this has happened now and I’m not sure whether to get it fixed or just get a new one? Getting a new one would mean waiting for my latest bill to come through (next week) paying it then taking it to my friend (once she gets back off honeymoon) at the phone shop who would then reduce my tariff, buy my old contract out for me ,THEN sort me out a new phone on a new contract with a new tariff?? Can I wait till next week beefore I sort my phone out?? Hmm I’ll see how I get on!

..I’m becoming a regular little internet junkie!

I’m spending the rest of the week tidying/cleaning/decorating my house, then the weekend I will be taking Jordan to a Birthday party, and hopefully to see Narnia at last and get my bloody hair cut AGAIN (it grows way to quick!!!)

So anyone who hasn’t seen me online and peruses my blog to find out where I’ve been, thats were I will be…or if your reading this after the event… have been! Just because if disappeared from cyber space does not mean I’m unreachable so if anyone wants to help paint a kitchen and a bathroom and start my living room….my nobile WILL be switched on!!

…at things that are not meant to be funny!! I have a seriously WRONG sense of humour!!

I dont usually watch that much telly, usually have my head in a book with the stereo on, HOWEVER in the last two nights there has been some genius programming on the terrestrial channels…

Tuesday 9pm, Teenage Tourettes Camp… OH MY GOD too funny, I know, I know I shouldn’t have found it funny its a serious problem and not at all amusing for those who suffer, so why did I find myself laughing nearly as much as I did when I was watching the documentary on narcolepsy?? 25 or so teenagers all in one place who do not have the social boundries or the ability to stop themselves saying exactly what they are thinking, and as tourettes by nature is usually accompanied by a form of OCD and/or autism it was however unintentional amusing viewing!!

Wednesday 9pm, The Heist, another of Derren Browns mind games, It was brilliant he managed to convince a group of middle management average folk to commit an armed robbery of sorts through power of suggestion and some very clever timing of a situation. I loved watching the poor idiots who got sucked into commiting the crime realise what they’d done once the film crewe appeared and Derren jumped on them. It’s not nice to realise that with some clever planning a good 75% of us could be used by someone clever enough to do there dirty work for them, but it was BRILLIANT watching someone doing it to others!!

I know I shouldn’t have been laughing at either of these situations, I know but I did anyway!! Well I had to have something to keep me amused while i turned my house upside down rearanging the living room and preparing the kitchen for decorating (Yes I’m finally gettng round to doing it!!). Which I should really be doing now instead of waffling on here and playing detective trying to solve a murder mystery!! I’m addicted to this site HERE I would say thanks to Gy for showing it me but I’m not going to because now I’m not getting anything done!!

Oh and before I go listen to that….peace and quiet….Jordan went back to school this morning I love him to pieces but the sound of silence is fantastic after nearly 3 weeks of over excitable mayhem!!

…2 days in and its just as bad as 2005. Great!!!

New Years Eve got totally fucked up and in the end there was NO meal with friends there was no dressing up and going out! Ended up down my nans with random family members and the Londoner to which we drank excessive amounts of Jim Beam and Vodka (and yes unfortunatly at the same time) adn sang silly songs and had fireworks at 12.

New Years/Christmas day was ok, once I’d sobered John up and kicked him off the sofa and pointed him in the direction of home, Took Jordan to my parents for his presents and our christmas dinner, As my mom didn’t finish work till 1pm I made him wait till then for them and i have to say he was incredibly well behaved in spite ofhaving to sit looking at them in the front room while I prepared dinner for 10!!

Day ended in tears for Jordan as the excitment and the late night eventually caught up with him so I took him home and out him to bed!

Todays the 2nd and already there has been a huge family argument which I ended up in the middle of. I called round to my moms to pick up the last of Jordans presents and I’m ashamed to admit I totally lost it and hit my brother for upsetting Jordan and then shouting at me when I asked him to stop!! He completely deserved it BUT I shouldn’t have done it.

In my defence all I can say is the last couple of days have been SO stressful, with new year and the postponed christmas festivities, (my darling son telling me he had a much nicer christmas with the TWAT!) sorting out random londoners family arguments booking and cancelling train tickets and pissed up/hungover males camping on my sofa, it was one thing to far when he started screaming in my face and wouldn’t back off when I warned him he was pushing me too far.

I shouldn’t have done it but he shouldn’t have pushed me and I’m fucked if I’m going to apologise!! So a Happy New Year all round so far, back to work tomorrow. Oh Joy!

…that was my last night, I was Grace and my friend John was Will (and yes that means exactly what you think it does) AND what a bloody good night we had.

John lives in London so I only get to see him on average twice a year when we both manage to get enough time in our busy schedules for each other, but we always enjoy seeing each other when we do and last night was NO exception MANY Jack Daniels disappeared during the course of the night and as the level in the bottle decreased so our laughter increased, Well mine did, he’s such a dippy buggar at times, he is the only person I know who can refer to someone who is in prison for MURDER as “a sweet sort of guy really. I loved him you know, but not in a gay way!!” Ended up drinking too much again last night and really wished I hadn’t as I was back at work this morning with NO time to recover!

Woke up expecting a hangover from hell and ended up with the babes bloody cold, nose streaming sore throat and a chesty cough just what I needed so I went to work drugged to the eyeballs and stinking of vicks, Muscles aching and not being able to walk up the stairs without getting out of breathe MARVELLOUS!! I need to shake it before Saturday as in the afternoon I have to take Jordan to a 5th Birthday party, the evening its time to get dressed up and go for a 5 course meal and fireworks to let in the New Year and then Sunday is MY CHRISTMAS DAY!!

REALLY REALLY looking forward to it, Watching Jordan open his presents and give everyone elses thiers too, Will finally get to have a FAMILY meal with my parents, grandparents and siblings and a lot of merryment will be had by all!! so as i doubt I will be around much untill January lots to fit in and sort out between then and now so…

MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!

….drank away the last 3 days of my life, and all things considered I feel surprisingly well today!!

CHRISTMAS EVE….Was in work at 6 bloody AM and started the day with the traditional coffee laced with Baileys and that pretty much set the tone for the rest of the day…and night!!!

Drank plenty of Baileys all day and finally got out of work 12 hours and 10 minutes later after doing varying flavoured vodka shots on the counter and headed staight to the pub!! Many Jack Daniels and 2 hours later I headed home in tears with my sister in tow telling me to “Cheer up you miserable fucker its christmas! Get your arse in the house get yourself changed were going out!!”, After she’d put it so politely I could hardly refuse so I got changed, and found my waterproof mascara out, just in case, fuelled by the lack of sleep and a belly full of “christmas” spirits my eyes decided to overflow again in my over emotional state! For about 10 minutes I was acually excited at the prospect of going out with her as I thought we may possibly end up in a place where some of my friends were, but she stopped that idea as soon as her friends called her and we ended up in the Noahs Ark and then the Homestead in the middle of the back end of nowhere!!
Surprisingly I had a really good night I proceeded to drink myself into oblivion in the company of some of my sisters friends, Danced with Jamie and Ashley (or so I was reliably informed the next morning) and I remember singing on the karaoke, have no idea what I sang or who I sang with although I am SURE there were others there but I know I sang! Left there about 1AM a ridiculous time to have been drinking to considering the state of me, over tired and over wrought!!

Got into the car (yes my poor sister was sober) to drive Toby home, back to Streetly!! Myself and Toby (my sister other half) turned the radio up full wound the windows down and sang christmas carols top of our voices all the way back to his..However by the time I’d gotten there I’d worked myself up into a proper state again so not only was I singing I was also laughing and had tears streaming down my face a really attractive..erm SANE..combination!!

CHRISTMAS DAY, awoke at about 7:30 and tried desperatly to get back to sleep as my head, and the rest of my body KNEW I hadn’t had enough sleep to fully recover from the night before, A fact that was confirmed when at 8:30 my sister decided to ring my mobile to get me out of bed to get get me round to my moms so we could all go see my grandparents togetherI knew I should have turned the damn thing off!! Spent most the morning feeling rotten and having varying family members laugh at me in my sensitive state went back to my moms where I decided with the philosophy of, “What makes you ill, will make you better” and opened the champagne my mom had bought me and drank the lot during my christmas dinner! My mom decided against going to work with my stepdad so we slept the hour away after dinner untill Paul rang me and woke both of us up, 10 mins after that James rang me and we talked our usual amount of sensible nonsense (sensible as it makes perfect sense to us and nonsense and we’re the only ones it does make any sense to) and opened my stepdads whiskey which I attacked with gusto, while watching back to back episodes of Little Britain on BBC3 and eating the customary Christmas evening turkey sandwiches. Went home about 11 and slept till…

BOXING DAY, awoke stupidly early again and lay in bed watching crap on the telly as I couldn’t be bothered to get up, finally dragged myself out of bed and headed to my Nans for dinner as is the norm after the excess of christmas, feasted on cold meat home made pickles and chips untill my aunt who we all hate walked in and me and my sister walked out!! As I’d started drinking during dinner I wanted to continue for the rest of the day so talked Emma and Toby into staying around for the remainder of the day, headed to the off license and then to my moms where we polished off a bottle of Gin, 2 bottles of Malibu, 24 cans of Carling and 3 bottles of Paul Mason Rose while playing Star Wars Monopoly and Scrabble, making nonsical phone calls (sorry AGAIN James) laughing lots, getting my foot stuck behind a bin trying to climb through a window, laughing some more, sulking because someone pinched the last of my Malibu, Laughing lots when I found the last of my Malibu exactly where I’d put it laughing some more and stubbling home around 11ish (i think!)

So mission accomplished the REAL christmas has passed in a kinda hazy blur ROLL on next weekend when I get A new years eve five course meal and firework spectaculor and my POSTPONED christmas with Jordan when he finally gets back from his Dads!!