So this morning came, and as I’d pre-planned (yes me planning in advance what has the world come to) to take my son to see my sisters boyfriend play football today I’d set my alarm for half seven to make sureI was up in time…apparently that wasn’t good enough TWENTY PAST SEVEN my sister was knocking my door….not phoning to check I was up BUT knocking my front door demanding that we (meaning me and a 5 year old}) be up and ready to go out by half past!!!

So mad rush of up, bathroom, wash, dressed, out and into the car to get over to Streetly so Mr Dauncy could get ready for his match!

Finally made it to the pitch in Solihull via the Mcdonalds on the Chester Road, to have the opposing team call the game off because of the rain!!

BECAUSE OF THE RAIN??? Now I’m sorry but since when does a bit of water stop a group of grown men running around a field to kick a bit of leather!!! Scared it was going to ruin your hair were you boys??? YOU PANSIES!!!

We decided to drive back to Wolverhampton to watch my other frinds team…and guess what…They’d called off their match because of the rain too…YOU BUNCH OF GIRLS!!!

So I was back in the house for 11:10 with a whinging 5 year old because I’d dragged him out of bed early for no reason and nothing to do untill I went to work at 4, yes I know working 4 till 8 on a Sunday, what is the world coming to, It wasn’t to bad though as we all went in and got drunk while we were working!!

So now I’m nearly home and its definitly time for bed!

Remember, Remember the 5th on November
Gunpowder, Treason and RABBITS???

Yes Rabbits!!!

A few weeks ago I got very drunk and by the time I’d sobered up and recovered from the hangover I discovered I’d adopted a rabbit, I was a little taken back by this but took it in my usual stride, which basically meant shrugging my shoulders, laughing at myself and accepting it.

THEN my moms dog, Sam, had to be put down and that was a whole story in itself . So I decided maybe it wasn’t best that I kept any pets, I wasn’t sure how I’d cope if I came down the stairs and found it dead one morning.

Now this is where it gets a bit confusing…I actually forgot to let the person who’s rabbit I’d adopted know that I’d had second thoughts, In fact I’d completely forgot about the rabbit coming at all, So at approximatley five thirty this evening I had a knock on my door and there standing on my door step was a huge rabbit hutch with a pair of legs….well actually it was my friend Sharon carrying the huge rabbit hutch, but she’s that tiny the hutch was bigger than she was!!

Now I could hardly turn her away could, so may I please take a few seconds to welcome “Paddy” (as in Max and “Paddy”) to my little family…hopefully we’ll be together many years, or at least as many that my son has lost interest and I dont have to go through the whole “sam” debarcle again!!!

…a legal way I can divorce myself from my younger siblings???

Obviously at 19 and 22 they know so much more about life than me!

They both still live at my parents, neither has children of their own (that I know of anyway, with my brother I can never be sure) and so therefore neither has ever had to juggle school timetables with work timetables, childcare, bills, a social life with home life and the general maintenance of a life as a single mom..

..SO why do they both feel it necessarry to tell me how I’m going wrong with my life?, What a lousy mother I am?, How to dress?, Who my friends should be?, What school my son should be going to? etc etc…

My answer… FUCK OFF TILL YOU HAVE LIVES OF YOUR OWN AND LEAVE ME TO MINE!!!

How did we all grow up to have such different outlooks on life?? My brother and sister are certified members of “Chav’s R us”, have a very narrowminded point of view about, well, actually being Chavs NOTHING, they dont get a point of view do they? They just follow the crowd, Presumably thats why they feel the need to attack me at every available oppourtunity about every concievable subject because I actually have a life and a point of view of my own..

…and regardless what they think I will forever contnue to do so and encourage my son to do the same!!

..and (for a change) nothing much has happened!

I know!! Nothing for me to whinge about, Nothing to gripe and moan about, Nothing for me to take the mickey out of??

I dont know what went wrong!!!

So it was just a normal day of, drop Jordan off at my moms’ (he’s still off school sick) and then work, and it wasn’t a particully spectacular day there either, No strange or exciting customers, No random people hanging around outside (unless you count me on my fag break) and nothing of interest to talk about at all! Home which was dinner with my grandparents then here to report on what an average day I’ve had.

Oh there was one thing that caused me mild excitement, It’s somthing I actually found out the other day but only remembered this morning…..

….HAPPY TREE FRIENDS ARE OUT ON DVD!!!

Actually they’re available on a couple of DVD’s and I cant believe, CAN NOT believe I missed them untill this week. Cute little bunnies and fluffy little squirrels dying in the most BIZARRE GRUESOME VIOLENT situations…Not one for the kiddies BUT I LOVE IT!!!!

(Oh for any of you that are members of animal rights groups or the such like, my disclaimer reads as follows…NO REAL ANIMALS WERE HURT OR USED IN THE WRITING OF THIS BLOG OR IN THE MAKING OF THE DVD……IT’S AN ANIMATION FOOLS!!!)

…go wrong!

Plan for yesterday….do nothing, pick Jordan up from school, rush around getting dinner and get J ready for football, while I get ready for theatre, Relax for the rest of the night in front of the stage with a glass of wine!

OK so the do nothing bit went well (pretty hard to mess that up really unless you end up doing something, then I suppose thats completly different)…as did the go get J from school part, then it all fell to pieces.

Jordan came out the doors with his teacher, who led him over to me, My heart sunk..I thought “Oh no whats he been up to??”, but it turns out she wanted to tell me that for the last 10 minutes of class he’d been complaining his eyes were sore and on closer inspection they did appear very red and irritable. So in the event of Jordan being ill and me always living in fear of him contracting menigitus (not an unfounded fear I may add, as when i was six months pregnant I was playing with a friends son Marcus who actually died 4 days later of menigitis and I spent the remainder of my pregnacy worried that, despite all the tests I underwent to check everything was ok, something was going to be wrong with the baby!) I went to my Moms’ for a second opinion..

It wasn’t meningitis (obviously) but we had no idea what was wrong, in the short time it took to walk from the school to my mom’s, his temperature had gone through the roof, and he’d become very listless and lethargic. He wouldn’t leave my side (which is so unlike Jordan), SO I did what evey good mother should do and PANICKED…well no actually I didn’t, BUT I did hot foot it to the emergency doctors as soon as I could get there. Once there we had to wait a ridiculous amount of time to be seen, I’m sure they call it “Emergency Doctors” as a joke, because if it had have been a real emergency I’m sure we’d have been in some serious trouble!

Turns out the doctors don’t know what was wrong with him either…well they diagnosed a “Viral Infection” the all embrassing “We dont know whats really wrong, but if we say this we sound intelligent and you go away happy” So I took him home a flu injection later, and dosed up on Calpol and he fell to sleep.

I left him with my mom while I went to the theatre, no I’m NOT a bad parent for leaving him (despite what my sister thinks) I’d already established he wasn’t seriously ill, and what was I supposed to do for him while he was asleep?? My mom virtually forced me out the front door as it was, because she knew how much I’d been looking forward to going! So I went and I’m very glad I did!

The show was fantastic, It takes a special sort of person to get up on stage, but to do an entire show by yourself, just you in front of 300 people must be extremely exhilerating and scary at the same time. John pulled it off to perfection, the audience were enthralled with him, you could hear a pin drop in the auditorium (or my mobile phone vibrating with the abusive text messages my sister was sending me for leaving Jordan while he was ill). He was fantastic!

By the time I returned to pick the little un up, he was a lot brighter and was sitting with my brother playing “SpongeBob Square Pants” on the Xbox, took him home and put him to bed.

06:30 this I was rudely awoken by him jumping on my bed, He was felling a bit better and I think he wanted to tell the WHOLE world about it, I’ve kept him off school anyway, heavily dosed with Calpol..the parents Tranquilizer of choice!

So new plan starting now for today…do nothing! As thats the only bit of yesterdays plan that went well. I’m sure I can get it right!!

….catered for over 200 people at a wedding, for 150 people at a christening, and have cooked many a meal, SO why, WHY can I not make popcorn with two 5 year olds without burning it??

And to make matters worse it wasn’t even as if I had to do a lot…put the bag in the microwave (yes see not even proper popping corn), turn the machine on, sit the kids in front of it to listen to th epopping and watch the bag expanding…wait for the PING, empty into bowl and eat.

Everything went sort of to plan, Popcorn in machine, kids running round not really caring about the expanding and popping…turned machine on….cue bag starting to smoke and a god awful smell filling the kitchen..me burning my hands fetching bag out the microwave and dropping half of it on the floor, kids in hysterics because me making a mess and being in obvious pain is so much more amusing than cooking popcorn the conventioal way.

Managed to get some into a bowl, and once we picked the burnt bits out tried to eat some…it tasted awful and went into the bin. I finally resorted to more “modern” ways to keep them occupied…I turned the playstation on!

God bless Sony!!!

Ok plan of action for today…sit and do nothing untill its time to fetch Jordan from school, Rush round for a mad 2 hours getting his dinner and him out to football ON TIME THIS WEEK while I get myself ready for the theatre,

Yes for one night only I’m actually going to be doing something that doesn’t envolve children or drinking. I’m going to the Arena to see “Curses, Corpes and Conjuration” a play by a storyteller/actor associate of mine who goes by the writers name of John Edgar.

I’m quite looking forward to it. Hopefully I’ll bump into someone I know as I’m going alone, which on the upside means theres no one to interupt me during the performance but on the downside it makes the interval seem to last twice as long!

For two evenings straight I have had the company of different groups of five years olds.
Monday night out on a “Trick or Treating” party, and tonight because their parents were attending a funeral I was at, and as I wanted to come home early with my son they asked if i’d mind watching thier kids too, so I bought them all home with me.
So now please anyone I’m on my knees begging…

….I NEED ADULT CONVERSATION!!!!!