…I have a lot to say for myself today BUT I was just watching the news and I’m sick and tired of the hype the media put around certain subjects…emphasising problems and creating a panic culture around them by making them seem immenent threats or telling us about issues that have been problems for years but are only now an issue because they decided to print about it…

For example “Bird Flu” and the whole “WERE ALL GONNA DIE!!!” crowd, Yes a few birds got a bit ill, and how many people in Asia actually died?? a hand full out of a county of 100’s of millions?, so why did the british press predict a death toll in the 1000’s if it hit mainland uk, a county of 10’s (not 100’s) of millions…somehow I dont think the maths works out somehow..

Another example 24 hour drinking, according to the british press were going to have “Streams of alchopops and lakes of vomit in our streets”, creating uproar within communities, Now hang on a minute…how do we KNOW this to be the case?? How can we brandish something as a ridiculous idea without trialing it fisrt, and i dont mean condeming it after the first weekend/bad incident, let it run its course and then see where we stand.

Now the real reason for my rant…The BBC have just conducted a workplace survey to find out how satisfied people are with their jobs, and if the right people are in the right positions in the work place, and there findings have been jumped upon by the goverment as it has found that 90% of working single parents are in positions that they are over qualified for and are under valued as employees! The goverment have jumped on it by saying that they are “looking to impliment more schemes to helpparents back into the work place” and the media have decided that this is a problem as the workplace yes, but in what positions..

…I have something to say to Mr Blair, the BBC and all other corperations etc who have a stand on this….TELL ME SOMETHING I DONT KNOW!!!

I am a single parent, I have 9 GCSE graded A-C I have a Btec National Diploma in Media and Communications, a Btec National Diploma in Performing Arts (the equilivant of 4 A levels) and A NCFE in photography. I am now stuck working in a shop for minimum wage and struggling to juggle work, school, home life, chilcare etc…and when I decided I’ve had enough and actully want to do something that I’ve wanted for a long time and train as a Teaching Assistant KS2 and started looking into it, I realise that regardless of my suitability and qualifications I CAN NOT follow this path as the amount of obstacles I would need to overcome would result in me never seeing my son, as i would be studying at college in the evenings, while attending onsiter training in schools 4 days a week and I’d also have to work part time weekends to just keep a roof over my head!!

So just because the media have taken up on thi sissue, just because the goverment responds does not make this situation a new one, and it doesn’t mean anything will change!!

…I am having a NIGHTMARE of a week.

My mom and Stepdad have spent the entire week ignoring each other over some stupid arguement, My mom is being stubborn, and my stepdad is being pathetic and neither will back down, and to make matters worse everytime I’m around there and my stepdad leaves the room I get a rundown from my mom of everything he’s supposed to have done wrong in the last..however longs its been since I’ve last seen her. I feel like screaming at her and banging thier heads together!!

Yesterday was HELL, I had to work an 11:30 – 8:00 shift and thank GOD when it was over, it was dead, I think I served 1 customer ALL night, and to make matters worse we’d done all the tasking during the day so ther was nothing to do and no one to talk to as I’d been put on shif with two asians, i’m not racist but whan they insist on talking in a language I don’t understand then I cant talk to thm can I, that and they locked themselves away in the watch window ALL night!! and to make matters even better my mobile kept going off with arsey messages from various people because I have a shit memory and have double booked myself for saturday, my sister wanting to know what time I was coming home as Jordan was tired (I was working moron NOT out partying I didn’t have a choice about the time!!) and finally my physcho STALKER calling /texting me just as I thought he’d finally given up!!!

Finally got back to my parents to pick up Jordan to find the atmosphere as icy as before I went out, Jordan in tears for some unknown reason and my sister playing GOD lecturing ME on being a parent…this coming from the girl with no kids, and discovering the xbox I thought I’d managed to get for Jordan is no longer available!! FANTASTIC!!! I got out of there as fast as I could and headed home to try and forget aboyt the day, but oh no it wasn’t to be…when i got home Jordan knocked coffee and sugar ALL OVER the kitchen floor adn in my wisdom I decided to hoover it up instead of use the broom, set the hoover up on the hard floor setting as i have laminate flooring switched it on and BLEW THE FUCKER UP, A perfect end to a marvelous day!!

No, no sorry that wasn’t the end either, just as I’d settled into bed to read my book my neighbours start rowing full on screaming, throwing stuff at each other type of argument in thier bedroom which is adjacent to mine, that lasted till about 1:30 AM. Then to top it all off I got front row seats on them making up for the next HOUR AND A HALF….I suppose credit where credits due, they’ve got some stamina and I GOT NO SLEEP!!

I only hope today is better than yesterday, not that it’s started off any better but time will tell…

Last night I tucked myself in bed and settled down with a cup of tea to watch Top Gear (BBC2 8pm) and then Notting Hill (channel 4 9pm) Not a very adventurous evening but it did for me…

…Now this is where I become all cynical (like theres any other way I know how to be) It appears to me the the whole William/Anna (Hugh Grant/Julia Roberts) love story is a total sham!

Any relationship that begins with either party messing the other about, or generally fucking the other one over is doomed to failure and will end the same way, with the said party fucking the other one over AGAIN. (Trust this voice of BITTER experience).

A better ending for that film would be Anna jetting off back to America to be with her ex partner (always worse looking but more money!), or her falling for Hugh Grants characters best mate Max, and splitting up another relationship in the process (Grass being greener on the other side and all that). It would be true to life and so much more believable than the “Happily Ever After” that just DOESN’T happen in real life!!

Now as my title suggest there are no road signs to paradise, and thats because it doesn’t exsist. We make our desicions with what we’ve got, most of the time making the best of a shit poor situation. Its a lesson I have learnt well that I make my own way in life, So after pondering over the Notting Hill story line for far too long (I really need to get a life). I have finally come to a conclusion, Next time a bloke messes me about at the begining of a relationship I will definitly be the first to get in and open the door for the end of it, if nothing else to wipe the satisfied smirk off his face of him gettnig there first!!

Believe it or not after that tirade I’m actually in a rather pleasant mood, the fog must being doing something to my nerve endings or something as I’ve had to serve some of the worst customers in the world this afternoon, but even they haven’t been able to upset me. I think it may be down to retail therapy.

Jordans Christmas/Birthday list is now as follows PS2, (Slimline Silver), XBOX, Nintendo Gameboy Advanced SP (Arctic Blue), a Globe (he asked for it) a telescope (again he asked for it) and some new trainers. I think I neeed to stop buying for him now and concentrate on everyone else!!

…I’m not feeling the best today.

I drank a silly, SILLY, amount of pink stuff last night and woke this morning with a hangover, which was a shock. Normally after a night drinking I wake up feeling lathargic and a bit queasy which soon disappears but today my head felt like there’s a jack hammer behind my eyes and it was there ALL morning. In future I will stick to normal coloured drinks from the two men I love best, Jack and Jim.

I finally gave in to the pounding around midday and dragged myself out of bed to find some pills and a brisk walk in the fresh air…and fresh being the appropriate word…IT’S FREEZING!!! But it cleared my head, even if I’ve caught hypothermia in the process.

In all honesty I didn’t mind the hangover as it gave me an excuse to stay in bed and avoid the housework for most the morning.

Yesterday as I said in my last blog, was a good day, It was full of Starbucks, German markets, Singapore Sam, Christmas lights, window shopping Aracadian visits and plenty of walking…I went out of my house at 11:00 yesterday morning and didn’t return untill 8:00 last night, where I stayed for a grand total of 10mins befor I went back out to drink with my sister….which actually didn’t happpen and I ended up drinking the pink stuff alone when she abandoned me for her boyfriend.

Today, (other than the hangover) has also been a good day, like I said before I went for a walk, through the local park and down the canals it was all frosty and ever so pretty. The sky was clear, the sun was shining and I was all alone I didn’t bump onto another person untill I was nearly back home, and even better NOT ONCE DID IT BOTHER ME.

That is a major achievment, to have spent this much time alone and not have to hunt down company of some sort and even better on a Sunday as it is often the worst day of the week for me so…..

YAY FOR ME!!! (hopefully this will be the first of many weekends spent alone and Autophobia FREE!!)

*EDIT* Not that I actually want to be alone of course, just if I am going tohave to be alone the autophobia free bit would be nice!!

..has been a good day.

After the crappiest of crap days yesterday, today was just what the doctor ordered.

I had a mini adventure, well a MAXI adventure really, Nine straight hours of wondering around random town centres consuming coffee and eating good food.

Now I’m home drinking pink stuff and more than ready for my bed. I will probably post more about my day when I’m A. Less sleepy and B. More sober.

Good night!

As is usual, in Wolverhampton City Centre at this time of the year, to accompany the switching on of the christmas lights a carousel has been set up on Queen Square, its all dancing horses twinkling lights and christmas carols, I just thought I’d like to let everyone know

I WANT TO HAVE A GO!!!!

For the last 6 weeks at work we’ve been preparing ourselves for something called “Store Standards” a review the MANAGEMENT do annually to rate the stores, We get awarded Silver, Gold or Diamond certificates accordingly Diamond being the best and the TOP TOP store would win £500 for a night out for all their staff.

We’ve stripped the leatherette out of the windows and relaid it all, cleaned the windows inside and out cleaned the carpets, dipped the jewellery and tagged to ticketed all the stock. Personally I’ve had to clean all the stairs (4 flights of the fucking things) the staffroom and the storeroom and clean ALL stands with lighter fluid (left me with a killer headache and high as kite for the rest of the day!!) AND crawl through all the windows space to clean all the parts the others couldn’t reach (I’m one of the smallest that work there other than the weekend staff)…and today was the big day, Today was the day we found out the results of the inspection.

GOLD!! GOLD CERTIFICATE..The same as last year, was the same amount of effort put in last year?? NO, was the windows even cleaned last year let alone stripped and relaid??, I THINK NOT, SO WHERE DO THEY GET OFF AWARDING US GOLD???

Im exageratting…I’m not actually bothered, I went in, did my job, got paid and came home BUT THIS STORE STANDARDS BOLLOCKS has invaded work for the past month or so and now to be awarded just Gold it feels like such an anti-climax everyone at work is SO miserable and can’t seem to fathom that at least we tried, dont get me wrong I would have liked to have won, We’d planned one hell of a piss up if we had have, but thats the way it goes, Pity my manager, assistant manager and supervisor can’t see it the same way, They’ve taken it so personally, work was so much fun today. Sohabe and Donna sulking and Sean being his typical narsasistic “I’m the manager” self. (someone should take the time to tell him there is a fine line between being a leader and a dictator, the difference being you respect a leader and resent a dictator!)

So It may be fast approaching the season to be jolly and joyeous but I think for the time being at least there will be little to smile about in the Ernest Jones camp.

OH what fun!!