Last night I tucked myself in bed and settled down with a cup of tea to watch Top Gear (BBC2 8pm) and then Notting Hill (channel 4 9pm) Not a very adventurous evening but it did for me…

…Now this is where I become all cynical (like theres any other way I know how to be) It appears to me the the whole William/Anna (Hugh Grant/Julia Roberts) love story is a total sham!

Any relationship that begins with either party messing the other about, or generally fucking the other one over is doomed to failure and will end the same way, with the said party fucking the other one over AGAIN. (Trust this voice of BITTER experience).

A better ending for that film would be Anna jetting off back to America to be with her ex partner (always worse looking but more money!), or her falling for Hugh Grants characters best mate Max, and splitting up another relationship in the process (Grass being greener on the other side and all that). It would be true to life and so much more believable than the “Happily Ever After” that just DOESN’T happen in real life!!

Now as my title suggest there are no road signs to paradise, and thats because it doesn’t exsist. We make our desicions with what we’ve got, most of the time making the best of a shit poor situation. Its a lesson I have learnt well that I make my own way in life, So after pondering over the Notting Hill story line for far too long (I really need to get a life). I have finally come to a conclusion, Next time a bloke messes me about at the begining of a relationship I will definitly be the first to get in and open the door for the end of it, if nothing else to wipe the satisfied smirk off his face of him gettnig there first!!

Believe it or not after that tirade I’m actually in a rather pleasant mood, the fog must being doing something to my nerve endings or something as I’ve had to serve some of the worst customers in the world this afternoon, but even they haven’t been able to upset me. I think it may be down to retail therapy.

Jordans Christmas/Birthday list is now as follows PS2, (Slimline Silver), XBOX, Nintendo Gameboy Advanced SP (Arctic Blue), a Globe (he asked for it) a telescope (again he asked for it) and some new trainers. I think I neeed to stop buying for him now and concentrate on everyone else!!

…I’m not feeling the best today.

I drank a silly, SILLY, amount of pink stuff last night and woke this morning with a hangover, which was a shock. Normally after a night drinking I wake up feeling lathargic and a bit queasy which soon disappears but today my head felt like there’s a jack hammer behind my eyes and it was there ALL morning. In future I will stick to normal coloured drinks from the two men I love best, Jack and Jim.

I finally gave in to the pounding around midday and dragged myself out of bed to find some pills and a brisk walk in the fresh air…and fresh being the appropriate word…IT’S FREEZING!!! But it cleared my head, even if I’ve caught hypothermia in the process.

In all honesty I didn’t mind the hangover as it gave me an excuse to stay in bed and avoid the housework for most the morning.

Yesterday as I said in my last blog, was a good day, It was full of Starbucks, German markets, Singapore Sam, Christmas lights, window shopping Aracadian visits and plenty of walking…I went out of my house at 11:00 yesterday morning and didn’t return untill 8:00 last night, where I stayed for a grand total of 10mins befor I went back out to drink with my sister….which actually didn’t happpen and I ended up drinking the pink stuff alone when she abandoned me for her boyfriend.

Today, (other than the hangover) has also been a good day, like I said before I went for a walk, through the local park and down the canals it was all frosty and ever so pretty. The sky was clear, the sun was shining and I was all alone I didn’t bump onto another person untill I was nearly back home, and even better NOT ONCE DID IT BOTHER ME.

That is a major achievment, to have spent this much time alone and not have to hunt down company of some sort and even better on a Sunday as it is often the worst day of the week for me so…..

YAY FOR ME!!! (hopefully this will be the first of many weekends spent alone and Autophobia FREE!!)

*EDIT* Not that I actually want to be alone of course, just if I am going tohave to be alone the autophobia free bit would be nice!!

..has been a good day.

After the crappiest of crap days yesterday, today was just what the doctor ordered.

I had a mini adventure, well a MAXI adventure really, Nine straight hours of wondering around random town centres consuming coffee and eating good food.

Now I’m home drinking pink stuff and more than ready for my bed. I will probably post more about my day when I’m A. Less sleepy and B. More sober.

Good night!

As is usual, in Wolverhampton City Centre at this time of the year, to accompany the switching on of the christmas lights a carousel has been set up on Queen Square, its all dancing horses twinkling lights and christmas carols, I just thought I’d like to let everyone know

I WANT TO HAVE A GO!!!!

For the last 6 weeks at work we’ve been preparing ourselves for something called “Store Standards” a review the MANAGEMENT do annually to rate the stores, We get awarded Silver, Gold or Diamond certificates accordingly Diamond being the best and the TOP TOP store would win £500 for a night out for all their staff.

We’ve stripped the leatherette out of the windows and relaid it all, cleaned the windows inside and out cleaned the carpets, dipped the jewellery and tagged to ticketed all the stock. Personally I’ve had to clean all the stairs (4 flights of the fucking things) the staffroom and the storeroom and clean ALL stands with lighter fluid (left me with a killer headache and high as kite for the rest of the day!!) AND crawl through all the windows space to clean all the parts the others couldn’t reach (I’m one of the smallest that work there other than the weekend staff)…and today was the big day, Today was the day we found out the results of the inspection.

GOLD!! GOLD CERTIFICATE..The same as last year, was the same amount of effort put in last year?? NO, was the windows even cleaned last year let alone stripped and relaid??, I THINK NOT, SO WHERE DO THEY GET OFF AWARDING US GOLD???

Im exageratting…I’m not actually bothered, I went in, did my job, got paid and came home BUT THIS STORE STANDARDS BOLLOCKS has invaded work for the past month or so and now to be awarded just Gold it feels like such an anti-climax everyone at work is SO miserable and can’t seem to fathom that at least we tried, dont get me wrong I would have liked to have won, We’d planned one hell of a piss up if we had have, but thats the way it goes, Pity my manager, assistant manager and supervisor can’t see it the same way, They’ve taken it so personally, work was so much fun today. Sohabe and Donna sulking and Sean being his typical narsasistic “I’m the manager” self. (someone should take the time to tell him there is a fine line between being a leader and a dictator, the difference being you respect a leader and resent a dictator!)

So It may be fast approaching the season to be jolly and joyeous but I think for the time being at least there will be little to smile about in the Ernest Jones camp.

OH what fun!!

..are a bloody pain in the arse!!!

3 times in half an hour I got stopped my the same chap today…”Had any accidents recently love!”…

DO I LOOK LIKE I’VE BEEN IN A BLOODY ACCIDENT!!! Am I limping/on cutches/wearing bandages?? Do I look battered/bruised/in pain?. The answer to all of the above is NO NO NO, I’m fine thank you! If I had have been in an accident would I really be bothering going into town on a bloody FREEZING Wednesday afternoon? and do they really think if had have had an accident I’d want one of their blood sucking companies to represent me??

I appriciate that they are only their to do their job, But it was cold I was very busy and 3 times was a bit excessive and I’d already tried the polite “No, Thank you” So, I did shut him up the last time he approached me. He’d changed his approach slightly and instead of accident I got asked…”Have you been injured lately beautiful?”…My response???

“NO, BUT YOU WILL BE IF YOU ASK ME THAT ONCE MORE!! AND DONT CALL ME BEAUTIFUL!!!”

He left me alone after that.

…that’s says “If your a nutter,Harass ME!!!”

Standing outside the fire escape at work today having a crafty cigarette, when approached by a bloke…(bare in mind my back is against the door and its in a three foot square alcove and I really have nowhere to go)….

Man: (shakes my hand) Oh you have a nice firm grip there?
Me: Thank you, How may I help you? (I’m standing outside work so presume its a customer)
Man: Well, are you married??
Me: No.
Man: In that case, Can I have your number?
Me: Sorry, I have a boyfriend. (Blatent lie but obviously he doesn’t know that)
Man: Well do you want my number.
Me: Why? I dont even know you??
Man Well why, because your gorgeous and because its really hard for a black man to make friends with white females. you want to be my friend dont you??
Me: Oh erm..like I said I dont even know you..
Man: Well I’m Keith, (grabs me in a bear hug and rubs his crouch against me) So you going to be my friend?
Me: (looking for anyone to come to my rescue) erm…erm… I dont think my boyfriend would appriciate me taking strangers phone numbers!!
Keith: Well (looks at my name badge) STEPH!!, You go running back to your WHITE boyfriend I’m sure he has more to offer than a black man, I bet he has a good job, I bet he has a nice car. I’m sure he’s better than any black man would be, Go on then you obviously don’t need any more friends, i bet you haven’t even got ONE black friend!!
Me: (Thinking oh my god get me out off here) I’m needed back inside, excuse me..
Keith: You just dont wantto be seen talking to a black man do you??
Me: No, really I have to get back inside…
Keith: (Grabs me in ANOTHER bear hug) So were friends then, cool I’ll call in the shop and see you some time…
Me: Can you let me go now??
Keith: Erm yeah ok, Your too good for your white boyfriend

…and then as he disappears into the crowd on Dudley Street I virtually RUN back into the shop!!!

I learnt an important lesson today…..

…Always stand where someone can see you to have a cigarette… But saying that the people I work with would have only stood and watched, laughed at me and then used it as ammunition to take the mickey out of me all day!!

I attract all the NUTTERS!!

Also we had the auditors in the store today,After spending most the morning staring at one of then I suddenly realised where I’d seen him before, it was Craig, a friend(?)/co-worker who I hadn’t seen in seven years and was about to move into a house share with when he disappeared off the face of the planet! We both kind of realised who the other one was at the same time, it was like OH MY GOD ITS YOU!!!

We got talking and I thought I better broach the subject of what happened for him to disappear the way he did, It turns out he didn’t disappear..My shit head ex who was also going to share with us, screwed him out of his deposit money. I spent the rest of the day not knowing whether to apologise, Offer to repay him, or what, feeling very akward and very resposible for something I didn’t even know about!! I kinda avoided talking to him for a while, which is the wimps way out I know but what would YOU do??

Anyway I dont think he holds it against me as I think he could tell by my reaction I knew nothing about it, that and when me and my boss were joking about hating men he did pipe up and say “Well it sounds like Steph has good reason too”.

At least I hope he doesn’t hold it against me as I’m working with him ALL day tomorrow!!