The weather is most definitly reflecting my mood today….AWFUL…It’s raining and I dont think it’s ever gonna stop.

There is a reason for my gloom, CHRISTMAS!!

Yes I know its months away and anyone who knows me well enough will know I usually love it, the decorations, the food, the shopping, the everything about it…BUT not this year, I’m dreading it.

My son is going to stay with his Dad from christmas eve untill mid week, a prospect I wasn’t looking forward to anyway BUT I could cope because I was going to see my parents, now i find out that….My stepdad and mom are both working, My sister is going to her boyfriends families and my brother is going out with his friends. SO I’VE GOT TO SPEND CHRISTMAS ALONE. I really dont have anywhere else to go and the thought of it is making me feel ill.
I mentioned before I suffer from autophobia, but I pretty much had it under control except for the odd bout of insomnia BUT last night when I first found out that I have nowhere to go christmas and I went home to an empty house started worrying about it and had my first panic attack in 7 months!!

I cried myself to sleep…

I’m 25 next week and still crying myself to sleep, How pathetic am I???