My names Steph and I’m an addict its been 3 days since my cigarette….

I’m getting there I nearly caved in last night, my insomnia came back again so I was at a loss at what to do, as my usual remedy is to make myself a peach tea, sit, smoke and read till the small hours…instead I read, chased a spider across my bedroom (IT WAS HUGE) and chewed my nails down more than they already are, oh and ate choclate brownies. (although the real test comes when i go to the pub next)

I need to find a more productive way to distract my need to smoke otherwise I’m not going to have any fingers left and the 3 stone I lost the begining of the year is going to reappear as if by magic made entirely of chocolate brownies!

To other matters, my Uncle Stephen is coming over from New Zealand in 3 years and I have to make a desicion…Do I meet him??

I cant remember the last time I saw him as it was before my dad died and as that was back in 1985 your talking some time ago and I would like to see him, and meet his wife and kids BUT it would mean me having to see the rest of the family too…and there are some I’d rather not. I lost touch with them all about 3 weeks after my dads funeral and I made the effort to get back in touch with them when I was13 and was ignored, I tried agian when I was 15 and finally managed to get a respnse at 19 when I had my son and that was a mixed response of “Congratulations” and “A baby at 19 were so ashamed of YOU” (as if they had any right to comment) Also if I do go i’m gonna get a load of abuse for not going to my Nan’s funeral and I can hardly give them my standard line for not going…..she couldn’t give a shit about me when she was alive so I couldn’t be bothered with her once she was dead, Can I?

Grr what to do!!!???!!!

Ok so I have 3 years in which to decide but you know I only found out he was coming this morning…