Tag Archives: communication

Not my circus, not my monkey.

NMC

There are quite a few blog posts on this site set to private, I wrote them to appease myself, to vent and to get out everything I needed to say and couldn’t to those that were involved. But the long and short of what’s been going on is this.

A family member is in a relationship with someone who, in my uneducated opinion has at best self esteem issues, at worst a borderline personality disorder.

She projects her insecurities onto those around her, tries to make others responsible for her feelings, and by extension of that, of those of her partner. She is contradictory to others (and herself) and it appears that she thrives on conflict and chaos and for the last year and a half the focus of her attention has been on me, for no other reason than she is insecure.

I have been labelled a bully because during a conversation I said something she disagreed with, She has threatened to cut off the family, she’s completely and seemingly deliberately misconstrued conversation and situations, and completely fabricated others. She has stretched people to breaking point, she pushed my poor husband and her partner to the brink and she has pushed for an confrontation with me that I just I wont give her.

I have struggled with this for over 12 months, I have tried to be conciliatory. I have tried to be reasonable and it has affected my health and my relationships, and it got to point just last year that I decided “No more!” .

And so we get to this week. Today I am apparently “emotionally abusive”.

Why? Because her partner is upset his brother  wasn’t more excited that they were buying a house together and I wont take responsibly for that.

Yup you read that right. Someone didn’t react in a way that someone else didn’t like – and that’s my problem to deal with.  When she tried to force a meeting to “discuss this” I refused and told her to get her OH to speak to the person he was upset with and so apparently;

My actions have hurt the people she loved, I am minimizing their feelings by not being willing to take responsibility for how her other half feels and my personal favourite that I am walking a fine line between being assertive and emotional abusive by not being responsible for their feelings.

So here we are I officially give in.

I have blocked her on her preferred communication platform and I am limiting contact to that which is absolutely necessary for the family because it is not longer my problem. After over a year and a half of trying maintain relationships and build bridges quite frankly I have now decided  “Not my circus, not my monkey.”