Archive for January, 2006

Autophobia…

Wednesday, January 18th, 2006

…just because I am now sick of being asked by people too damn lazy (you know who your are) to type the word into google and look it up themselves and would prefer to ask me pointless questions about it, The definition is…

“Known by a number of names – Autophobia, Isolaphobia, Monophobia, Fear of Being Alone, and Fear of Oneself being the most common – the problem often significantly impacts the quality of life. It can cause panic attacks and keep people apart from loved ones and business associates. Symptoms typically include shortness of breath, rapid breathing, irregular heartbeat, sweating, nausea, and overall feelings of dread and severe insecurity, although everyone experiences autophobia in their own way and may have different symptoms.

Like all fears and phobias, autophobia is created by the unconscious mind as a protective mechanism. At some point in your past, there was likely an event linking solitude, being alone, oneself, or being by oneself and emotional trauma. Whilst the original catalyst may have been a real-life scare of some kind, the condition can also be triggered by myriad, benign events like movies, TV, or perhaps seeing someone else experience trauma.

But so long as the negative association is powerful enough, the unconscious mind thinks: “Ahh, this whole thing is very dangerous. How do I keep myself from getting in this kind of situation again? I know, I’ll attach terrible feelings to solitude, being alone, oneself, or being by oneself, that way I’ll steer clear in future and so be safe.” Just like that autophobia is born. Attaching emotions to situations is one of the primary ways that humans learn. Sometimes we just get the wiring wrong.

The actual phobia manifests itself in different ways. Some sufferers experience it almost all the time, others just in response to direct stimuli. Everyone has their own unique formula for when and how to feel bad.”

…so see it does not in the words of one selfish illiterate neanderthal “a medical term for being too needy” It does not mean I’m scared to look in the mirror (although people with the severest form do often have that problem so if you see someone walking around with a really BAD hair day have some pity you never know!) and it doesn’t mean that I can not be trusted ALONE with your children! it does however mean that sometimes if i feel comfortable enough to I will phone you up with nothing actually to talk about because I just would like to hear the sound of a another humans voice!!

So now you know maybe you can stop withthe emails…again YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!!

Hmm well….

Monday, January 16th, 2006

…I’m tired I have a headache My stomache hurts I think I’ve caught bird flu or summat I’m feeling all maudlin…..I’m just finding reasons to complain as I’m sure thats what your used to!! In actual fact I’m feeling GREAT!!

Spent a great weekend doing not a lot…Friday I locked my front door got into my most comfortable pyjamas (which are naturally the least attractive) wrapped myself in the worlds biggest dressing gown under the thickest quilt on the most squidgy sofa ate the greatest home made curry drank a bottl eof wine and FINALLY started season 4 of 24…..not too sure about it yet having watched the first 4 eppisodes i can say….I miss Tony and Michelle, WHERE HAS CHASE GONE, and the new CTU director person is horrible, we’ll see how it goes I have little doubt that it will get better!

Saturday, Steve came round to climb on my roof and put an aeriel on the chimney breast for me in the morning, then I had to go into Wolverhampton to meet James who was coming over for coffee and possible help me consume the last or the greatest homemade curry in the world…..3pm we met….16 and 1/2 hours later he left mine LOL!!!

We drank COPIOUS amounts of coffee, ate, watched telly, listened to music and talked lots. Slept some then started all over again in the morning but this time with a bit of Lee Evans, Wipe Out and Pro Evolution thrown in untill Cat arrived in the evening for a brew when we all just sat and talked agian!!

It was SO much fun I haven’t ventured far from my house all weekend but feel like I’ve done loads, I FINALLY got to give out the last of my now rather unseasonable christams gifts and caught up with 3 wonderful people who I haven’t seen since last year (ok so not that long ago but still)!! It was a lovely end to not a bad week….only downside is I am definitly NOW looking for a new job…our head office are making redundancies and I have decided to jump ship before the culilng starts in earnest and I lose my job!

January 19th

Thursday, January 12th, 2006

Exactly a week from today is the most dreaded date in the history of all dreaded dates!!

I’m not usually a very superstitious person, I walk under ladders, I dont mind black cats and I do not feel compelled to go chucking salt about if I ever spill it, HOWEVER as this date approaches a chill creeps up my spine and I just want to lock my front door and preferably hide from the world for every second of every minute of the full 24 hours…

..I dont know what will happen this year I have no idea but inevitable SOMETHING WILL and it will not be an enjoyable experience…

…Whats bought this on you may ask well we were talking today in work and was offered overtime on that date so we started talking aboutt my past history with the date and the days surrounding that day(and these are just the ones that are outstanding enough to remember)…

1985, My Dad dies, My mom loses out on his life insurance as it was deemed a “pre exsisting conditiom” so we have to sell house and move out.

1995, I was in a house fire and saved 2 kids lives, failed Geography coursework assignment as work was lost in the same fire.

1997, Aunts house was broken into all they managed to take was MY bloody stereo I’d lent her.

2000, Jordan was seriously poorly mad trips rushing between home , the emergancy doctors and A&E all night.

2005 Was in hospital for surgery, came out and in the next 2 weeks walked into an armed robbery, had a man drop down dead behind me in the post office queue, moved house and had my ex call me a hypercondriac

Can we please PLEASE just wipe January 19th of the calander!!!!